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B Native A Part 2

2011-10-04T02:10:30Z

by Rachel Joy Bowman October 01, 2011

I seem to be having a really difficult personal problem I have been trying my best to resolve. I am having a great deal of trouble in getting used to certain sounds. Some of these sounds are very unsettling, distracting, intrusive, annoying and leading to being very irritated, which has a very strong influence on my tone-of-voice and interaction abilities.

I see an individual that is supposed to be coming across somewhat as representing a female. What comes out is a deep male voice. The voice is coarse. The voice is very rough and somewhat raspy, gravelly, gritty and a bit gruff at times. This is very disconcerting to my sensitivities. There seems to be a frequency and/or component that personally is grating to me.

For myself, when conversing they will not let me finish what I am trying to say. There seems to be an immediate need to jump in, interrupt, talking right over the top of you, and then ramble on and on and on and on in one continuous constant stream of words after my very first sentence; no breath, break, or pause to offer a reply or comment. Many of the words seem to be just fillers that can be best left out – unsaid. The subject is frequently changed. The content is usually a lengthy dissertation or very long lecture (sometimes approaching sermonizing) all about themselves – their exploits. Many are repeated over and over again ego oozing out of each sentence. With any conversation by any two people they must feel an incredible urgency to but-in and put their two cent opinion into and about everything and anything; whether they are a part of the conversation or not. It seems to me that they have an incessant fascination in hearing their own voice all the time over anyone and everyone else’s.

The fact that someone talks to themselves is not a big issue, but when they are very loud and constant during any time period it becomes distracting and bothersome reaching the point of being obnoxious, annoying, and irritating (which has a very definite effect on tone-of-voice in responding to the audible intrusion). Other audible intrusions to cover up are moaning, groaning, gnashing, snorting, grinding, grunting, griping, wheezing, and complaining. I feel like I am forced to endure the cries of pain much too long. If the pain is so bad that is causes one to cry out so much then quit doing whatever is causing the pain; at least until one can get to a doctor to get whatever fixed or some relief. It wouldn’t be so bad if it was just occasional but the noise pollution is incessantly continuous and loud. A simple effort to lower the sound volume level down to zero would be a tremendous relief.

I can not tell if you are talking to yourself, or to someone else, or to me. If you want to address me then call my name first so that I may know to direct my attention to what you are about to say. I have been noticing that when listening to someone else tell a story an excessive amount of interruption, interjecting, and intrusion has been happening; trying to finish sentences and trying to tell the story yourself. This is a something that everyone should be trying every effort to cut down on.

These are my feelings that I am trying my best to address. Feelings are nonsensical, illogical, no rhyme or reason, and cannot be helped – they just are. I can avoid these feelings, I can bury these feelings, I can cover up these feelings or I can deal with these feelings.

The solution that I have presently come up with, so far, are to use earplugs, headphones, operation of a motor, such as a fan, and/or closing doors to muffle or cover up to screen out the sound pollution. I do not feel that it is mandatory for me to talk to them or them to me. I do not feel that it is mandatory for me to listen to them or them to me. I do not feel that it is mandatory for me to have anything to do with them or them with me. Treat each other as if we were just some other guests at a hotel. Please do not bother with be nor speak to me. Take all questions, replies, and/or comments – no matter what – anything and everything – any and all dealings between us should go through the Master.

I have not heard or seen any evidence of any efforts toward doing anything about these subjects. No reading or studying. No practicing or learning any lessons, routines, or classes I have not heard or seen any indications or efforts toward modifying diet, exercises, routines, supplements, or anything else that would demonstrate any effort toward any real goal or actual changes.

If you can not find a way of compromising with this issue then I think it would be the best option at present to remove myself from being a thorn in the side of my Master and remove any cause of anymore harm. I will try to do my very best to keep out of the way, out of sight, and out of mind whenever I am in/at this location.

The author can be reached at racheljoy6@hotmail.com.

B Native A

2011-10-04T02:08:08Z

by Rachel Joy Bowman August 29, 2011

SUBJECT 1. I seem to be having a really difficult personal problem I have been trying my best to resolve. I am having a great deal of trouble in getting used to the sounds. Some of these sounds are very unsettling, distracting, intrusive, annoying and leading to being very irritated, which has a very strong influence on my tone of voice and interaction abilities.

I see an individual that is supposed to be coming across somewhat as representing a female. What comes out is a deep male voice. The voice is coarse. The voice is very rough and somewhat gravelly, gritty and a bit gruff at times. This is very disconcerting to my sensitivities.

When conversing they will not let you finish what you are trying to say. There seems to be an immediate need to jump in, interrupt, talking right over the top of you and then ramble on and on and on and on in one continuous constant stream. No pause or break to offer a reply or comment. Many of the words seem to be just fillers that can be best left out – unsaid. The subject is frequently changed. The content is usually a lengthy dissertation or very long lecture (sometimes approaching sermonizing) all about themselves – their exploits. Many are repeated over and over again ego oozing out of each sentence.

The fact that someone talks to themselves is not a big issue, but when they are very loud it becomes distracting and bothersome reaching the point of being obnoxious, annoying, and irritating (which has a very definite effect on tone of voice in responding to the audible intrusion). Other audible intrusions to cover up, are moaning, groaning, gnashing, snorting, grinding, wheezing, and complaining.

The solution that I have presently come up with, so far, are to use earplugs, headphones, operation of a motor, such as a fan, and/or closing doors to muffle or cover up to screen out sounds. I do not feel that it is mandatory for me to talk to them or them to me. I do not feel that it is mandatory for me to listen to them or them to me. I do not feel that it is mandatory for me to have anything to do with them or them with me. Any dealings between will go through the Master. They should also.

SUBJECT 2. I would like to respectfully request that I be relieved from washing the dishes, running the dishwasher, tidying up the kitchen, and maintaining the refrigerator. It was mentioned that there was a desire to turn the kitchen over to the new roommates. Would you please start that assignment right away. Please consider including the duty of picking up and cleaning up the kitchen, being responsible for making sure the cooking equipment, tools and supplies, and dishes are kept clean (also the running of the dishwasher in a timely, efficient, and economical manner).

The person(s) running the kitchen would best be the individuals to take on these responsibilities as they should know where everything is at and rely on themselves to make sure everything is where and how they want them to be.

I would ask to still continue the privilege of performing the coffee, vitamin, and orange (when available) routine in the mornings.

SUBJECT 3. Other observations that may or may not be of any importance:
The wearing of the cloth underpants creates extreme embarrassment by any onlooker who happens to be exposed to a dangling log. Tight, elastic stretch underwear with some kind of panty liner or other contour control shaper would smooth out and help hide the droopy log look.

The skirts waistband is worn way to high up under the breasts. That fashion is called an empire waist and should be reserved for those designs. Such a high waist makes the wearer seem and look way too much like a nerdy pantywaist and tends to draw way too much of the wrong kind of attention.

I have not heard or seen any evidence of any efforts toward doing anything about these subjects. No reading or studying. No practicing or learning any lessons, routines, classes, or appointments. I have not heard or seen any indications or efforts toward modifying diet, exercises, routines, supplements, or anything else that would demonstrate any effort toward any real goal or actual changes.

The author can be reached at racheljoy6@hotmail.com.

Bible References

2011-07-25T03:23:26Z

GLBTQI References
by Rachel Joy Bowman July 01, 2011

From the book “Evolution’s Rainbow” 2004 Joan Roughgarden, University of California Press, Berkeley and L. A., California – ISBN 0-520-24679-9.

Page 358 to Page 360 TRANSGENDER IN THE BIBLE. References the HOLY BIBLE containing the Old and New Testaments translated out of the original tongues: and with the former translations diligently compared and revised, by his majesty’s special command authorized King James version with chapter summaries. Published by The Church of JESUS CHRIST of Latter Day Saints, Salt Lake City, Utah, USA.

Page 472. ISAIAH Chapter 56, verses 03 through 05.
3. Neither let the son of the stranger, that hath joined himself trot e Lord, speak, saying, The Lord hath utterly separated me from his people: neither let the eunuch say, Behold, I am a dry tree.
4. For thus saith the Lord unto the eunuchs that keep my Sabbaths, and choose the things that please me, and take hold of my covenant;
5. Even unto them will I give in mine house and within my walls a place and a name better than of sons and of daughters: I well give them an everlasting name, that shall not be cut off.

Page 618. MATTHEW Chapter 19, verses 11 and 12.
11. But he said unto them, all men cannot receive this saying, save they to whom it is given.
12. For there are some eunuchs, which were so born from their mother’s womb: and there are some eunuchs, which were made eunuchs of men: and there be eunuchs, which have made themselves eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven’s sake. He that is able to receive it, let him receive it.

Page 694. ACTS Chapter 8, verses 26 t0 40.
26. And the Angel of the Lord spake unto Philip, saying, Arise, and go toward the south unto the way that goeth down from Jerusalem unto Gaza, which is desert.
27. And he arose and went: and, behold, a man of Ethiopia, an eunuch of great authority under Candace queen of the Ethiopians, who had the charge of all her treasure, and had come to Jerusalem for to worship,
28. Was returning, and sitting in his chariot read Esaias the prophet.
29. Then the Spirit said unto Philip, go near, and join thyself to this chariot.
30. And Philip ran thither to him, and heard him read the prophet Esaias, and said, understandest thou what thou readest?
31. And he said, how can I, except some man should guide me? And he desired Philip that he would come up and sit with him.
32. The place of the scripture which he read was this, he was led as a sheep to the slaughter; and like a lamb dumb before his shearer, so opened he not his mouth:
33. In his humiliation his judgment was taken away: and who shall declare his generation? For his life is taken from the earth.
34. And the eunuch answered Philip, and said, I pray thee, of whom speaketh the prophet this? Of himself, or of some other man?
35. Then Philip opened his mouth, and began at the same scripture, and preached unto him Jesus.
36. And as they went on their way, they came unto a certain water: and the eunuch said, see, here is water; what doth hinder me to be baptized?
37. And Philip said, if thou believest with all thine heart, thou mayest. And he answered and said, I believe that Jesus Christ is the Son of God.
38. And he commanded the chariot to stand still: and they went down both into the water, both Philip and the eunuch; and he baptized him.
39. And when they were come up out of the water, the Spirit of the Lord caught away Philip, that the eunuch saw him no more: and he went on his way rejoicing.
40. But Philip was found at Azotus: and passing through he preached in all the cities, till he came to Caesarea.

Some other references found in Joan Roughgarden’s “Evolution’s Rainbow:
Some feminine traits: Gentleness, empathy, nurturance, and grace.
Origen of Alexandria and the Valesians.
Thecla, Eugenia, “clothed in Christ”.
mukhannathun of the hadith, Jehanne D’Arc, Naomi and Ruth, Jonathan and David, and Sodom and Gibeah (Judges Chapter 19, verses 22 to 30 – Page 185).

For comments, questions, and/or more information, the above article author can be reached at racheljoy6@hotmail.com.

Roommate XIII

2011-07-25T03:19:58Z

Roommate Xlll:
by Rachel Joy Bowman, July 01 2011

I have some issues that I have to deal with. Some affect my inter-relations with you. I would like you to know how I feel and what my personal opinions are. When you first came to us, you were full of enthusiasm and promises. You built up Sir’s hopes and played on his dream of owning His very first brand new car He has ever had. That dream was shattered and I saw that it broke His heart to have that opportunity stolen from Him. I blame you, mostly, for not being as prepared as you maybe you should have been. You showed an incredible lack of financial management. A two hour trip in the car with our gas was wasted.

Then the check to Sir did not deliver funds to His checking account. The account became $500.00 overdrawn. The check to the P. G. & E. bounced, now we owe about $300.00. The check to the rent bounced. We became two and a half months behind in the rent. I had to provide over $1,200.00 in cold hard cash on the barrel to help rescue Sir with the rent and P. G. & E. That leaves me not being able to pay my Adventist medical bills or for electrolysis, breast pump, or any of my other bills. Sir used His funds in his checking account to take you shopping. All this totals out at around $5,000.00 loss for Sir. At this present time my opinion is that there has been a theft by fraud.

You have supplied food stamps to help us with food - that is appreciated, however, we do NOT need any food from you. We need cash! The rent does NOT accept food for payment and P. G. & E. does not accept food for payment. We rent out the room you are staying in to help pay for rent and utilities. If you can not or will not pay rent we will need to find someone who can and will. The rent is to be paid in advance, in full, in cash.

You are commended for trying to make Conklin work for you and others, but the approach may be lacking in results. Using Social Media is for marketing only. You need to do more, you are spinning you’re wheels. You still need to get out and “ask for an order”!(one of the major rules of any sales training).

This apartment is our home for living in – not a retail store or business location. The home/office is open Monday through Friday 8:00 a.m. to 5:00 p.m. Try to arrive after 9:00 a.m. and leave before 4:30 p.m. The magic jack phone is our personal home phone. Please use the Comcast phone as the business phone. I paid for the magic jack phone. Please obtain ink, paper, and a printer for the business. I bought the printer and pay for the ink and paper.

The bathroom is a communal area. Everyone has to share – including cleaning up after themselves. I am not your mother, wife, girlfriend, or maid. I am the live in housekeeper for my Master and His spouse.

In regards to you being here with us presumably to transition, I am just not able to see any ambition, desire, willingness, or effort to even start upon a journey to becoming a female. At this present time, and at this present point, the evidence I see is that you are just NOT a suitable candidate for transitioning at this time. There is overwhelming evidence showing that you are just too much of an all macho male jock. We need to make room for those who really and truly show a desire, ambition, effort, and need for our help and services to transition. We do not have facilities nor time to be wasting on fakes, cons, or fraudulent want-a-bes.

I am trying to manage my personal issues in our inter-personal relationship by implementing the following policy that I have written down for you to refer to:

I have already hurt you and I got hurt for it.
I don’t want to hurt you anymore, so I will remove myself and stay away.
I can’t put my foot in my mouth if I don’t open it!
                                   I will not speak to you!
                                   I will not touch you!
                                   I will not look at you!
                                   I will not care about you!
                                   I will not think about you!
                                   I will not talk about you!
                                   I will not come anywhere near you!
                     It is too dangerous for us to be around each other!
                     It’s not fair to you; it’s not fair to me!
                     You will get hurt; I will get hurt!
                     All communication will be through my MASTER!
                     You do the same.

My personal feelings are to not be anywhere near you at any time or any place. Where you are, I will try not to be. From this moment on you should go through my Master; I will not respond.
Sincerely, Master’s slave.
For comments, questions, and/or more information, the above article author can be reached at racheljoy6@hotmail.com.

Submission Is:

2011-07-25T03:17:41Z

Submission is not about suffering. Submission is about service.

Submission is not about humiliation. Submission is about humility.

Submission is not about pain . . .. . . Submission is about being present.

Submission is not about being used. Submission is about being of use.

Submission is not about control. Submission is about letting go.

Submission is not about what is done to you. Submission is about what you do for others.

Submission is not about abuse. Submission is about acceptance.

Submission is not about proving anything. Submission is about being real.

Submission is not about contempt. Submission is about respect.

Submission is not about how you look. Submission is about how much you care.

Submission is not about denying yourself. Submission is about being open.

Submission is not about bondage. Submission is about freeing your spirit.

Submission is not about punishment. Submission is about discipline.

Submission is not about being unable to escape. Submission is about being committed.

Submission is not about fear. Submission is about trust.

Submission is not about sex. Submission is about love.

Submission is not about pleasure. Submission is about happiness.

Submission is not about submission. Submission is about obedience.

House Rules

2011-07-25T03:16:38Z

A) This is NOT a polymorphous household! This IS a Master-Slave household! The Master does what He wants, when He wants, how He wants. The Master is exempted from all rules and/or conditions. The Master has all final say in everything and can set or change rules at will. Everyone MUST defer to and respect the Master.

At this time the slave’s duties and chores include being employed as a live in housekeeper (in exchange for room and board). The housekeeper is a paid position. The pay is used for the cost of the room and board.

1) You are a paying guest in this house. You are paying for a room to hold your belongings in and to sleep in. You are paying for meals as prepared and served by the Master. Payment must be secured in advance for meals.
2) There is NO maid service specifically for you! Keep your room clean and tidy. Make every effort to support the cleanliness and tidiness of the entire abode.
3) The dining room table is for eating and food. Please confine all food and drink to the table. NO food or drink anywhere else, except a capped bottle of water (no cups).
4) No dishes, etc. are to be left anywhere but the kitchen. It is very strongly encouraged that you obtain and use several cups, glasses, dishes, and/or utensils that you commonly use on a frequent basis to reuse daily. You are responsible for insuring their sanitation.
5) You may receive and send phone calls and mail here.
6) Whatever and whenever the Master decides will be curfew (quiet).
7) Parking is reserved. Covered parking needs special permission. You may use any uncovered parking area without permission.
8) Visitors may be screened per the Master’s whim.
9) There will be a list of duties and chores for slaves and/or submissives to carry out. All items must be approved and overseen by the Master.
10) The Master is married and his spouse is the default mistress whenever the Master deems necessary.
11) Use appropriate language when in common areas of apartment.
12) NO smoking, heavy drinking, or using in apartment.
13) Be considerate and watchful of the Mistress’s mobility and seating.

What Is A Trans

2011-07-25T03:15:21Z

Force Feminizing a Female (TS). .What is a transsexual?

Many people in this group have no idea what a transsexual is or how you could possibly force feminize a genetic female. The idea that seems to be the norm is that the people who come here are males looking to be forced in to panties and heels and are sissies or cross dressers.

Yes that is part of this group that is probably at least half of the people here but not the whole. Many of us are not males looking to be dressed up; we are women looking to have someone take away the androgynous and masculine parts of us away.

For example, you have a girl who was raised by a single father who was taught to work the farm and spit chew in a can. She may deep down wish to be a pretty princess but due to fears or doubts not allow herself to do it. A Mistress of Master steps in and makes her in to a flashy dress wearing, make up applying, girly-girl. That is an example though very basic, of force feminizing a genetic female.

For a transsexual it is much the same. We, despite having been born with a penis or a male voice or being raised as males, were never at all male other than maybe physically. Our brains, our hormones, our thoughts, our souls, are female. Many of us are born borderline hermaphrodites or full on hermaphrodites to begin with.

We are looking for someone to help correct the ideals and stereotypical man dribble that was pushed on to us by peers, family, or for some, religious beliefs. We want the parts of us that were forced to be male, taken and replaced by the female equivalent.
Teach us how to walk, talk, sit, do our hair, makeup, and be a passable lady.

Now some smart-ass read that and said, "Well how is that forced?" The post before should have already answered that question but I will go ahead and restate it a second time for anyone still genuinely confused.

If you are raised to be a stone hard man and never cry, but are a female on the inside, those ideals still get instilled over time. So when you come out as being female you will still bottle the emotions up and refuse to cry most of the time. So the person who is feminizing you will help to FORCE that idea away and telling "just cry... let go...” Since these things are so engrained in to us from early child hood when being raised "male" much of it has to be forced out even if we understand we want it.

I was forced to give up all my male clothing, I have wanted to do it for a long time, but have been giving myself excuse after excuse not to do it. Finally, Mistress Mary forced me to it.

I, We, Transsexuals, are not men, or boys, or bois, or gurls, we are females just like any other female. So when addressing a post, please keep that in mind, thank you.

Can't all the TRANSGENDER folk just get along!

^-- We tried it your way but the polar bears were indecisive.... all joking aside... who isn't getting along again? I was explaining the fact that some people on this group assume if you are a part of it you are instantly the equivalent of a cross dresser, which to some is an atrocious notion. It is insulting to us not because there is anything wrong with cross dressers or cross dressing, but it equates to us being seen as male which is a stab in the throat. I tackled the subject very lightly though, as you can see no one has really felt the need to outburst in anger or troll me for what I have said. As for your second comment, you are a bit right and a bit wrong; many transsexuals have genetic female organs or an extra chromosome that allows them to get their hormones and surgeries covered by health insurance. There is a distinct difference between a male and female brain, and a large percentage of transsexual women at the very least have a female brain that tells the body it is wrong and is why the suicide rate is so high. It is not something you CAN just get over.

Sorry if that turned in to a bit of a rant, just sometimes get arrogated by people who try and separate TS women from women. It is like telling a woman she is no longer a woman if she loses the ability to have a child or has to have her breasts removed or telling a man he is no longer a man if his penis has to be removed to save his life. Sexual organs are a SMALL part of what should make up sex or gender.

This is of course all my opinion and I do want you to know I am not attacking you and I respect your opinion but I love a good debate and I love standing strong on things I believe in. Many civilizations and Native American tribes revered and even worshiped transsexuals in the past saying they were of two souls and to be cherished.

Not to bring religion in to this too much but I am friends with many Christians and as many know I am a pagan. Among the disputes I have with these friends is the fact that I am transsexual. A few like to joke saying I can't be a witch or truly do the spells that say you have to be female because I was born "male" which is far from true medically and mentally. I in an annoyed joking manner asked them, if they descended from their bodies as a spiritual being of light, what gender they would be. They seem confused and I came again with, "If your spirit in your religion seems to be one of the most important aspects, shouldn't the soul mean more than the physical body. The flesh stays here; the soul is what lives on forever. My soul is female, so how would your god treat in me in such a case?" The response was amusing.

The thing that eventually was asked was, "God doesn't make mistakes, why did he makes you a boy if he wanted you to be a girl." again I replied with a bit of a smirk, "For the same reason he would make a legless boy who competes in the Olympics and wins. "

Actually I have 2 genetic girls that I force feminize. They like being butch - they don't like wearing makeup and fixing their hair or doing their nails. I put them in little pink out fits with pentifores and treat them like a 7 year old girl.

Also as our sticky discussion states - nothing is "truly" forced. It's all consensual and mostly role play. But I know many post op transsexuals that are very fetish and love role play, age play and forced feminization.

Feminization doesn't necessarily mean turn them female - it's more about feminine expression and finding stereotypical female roles and behaviors. I also know that not all girls are necessarily feminine - so I could "force" someone into some jeans and t-shirt and call it feminization. I could - but it's not in the spirit of the fetish or interest.

Some people like it - some people don't - but we don't need to start putting labels on who should or shouldn't or would or wouldn't do it.

Feminization is not JUST for genetic boys or boys that identify as female - it's for everyone that finds it a little mentally stimulating.

On the religion comment (and if you don't believe in God then you can skip it this comment) - Further this is off topic even a better reason to skip it . But I'll say it anyways - I don't believe God makes mistakes - and if you were born a boy and feel you should have been a girl - I think it's arrogant to think He made a mistake. Maybe it was part of His plan for you to bring the light all these points so that we could all learn to live together harmoniously. A struggle of a transgendered person can raise awareness and compassion in people not only to our struggles but to those of others. I hate that I was born a guy but maybe I wouldn't have appreciated being female as much if I were born female - I don't know - but I don't believe God made a mistake - maybe you don't like His decision to make an example out of some of us - but well that's what God does - it's all through the Bible old and new testament.

"I don't believe God makes mistakes - and if you were born a boy and feel you should have been a girl - I think it's arrogant to think He made a mistake."

From that perspective... God doesn't make mistakes, he did it on purpose.

It is arrogant, beyond BELIEF that ANY human could possibly understand God's Intent. If you believe in God, you have to assume that He made every single person the way they are.

It is up to US to decide how to deal with what He gave us. HOWEVER, it is NOT our responsibility to conform to "society's" view of what we SHOULD be, based on the way our body happens to be configured.

And if you want to go down that path... If God created us in His image, I wonder what that says about those of us that are TS, or TG, or Hermaphrodites... I suppose that means that he is all of those things too? In which case... what's the problem?

I honestly wish there was a better term for what we are. I don't like anything with the word 'trans' in it. Because that implies that I was one gender, and decided to switch to the other. The idea of transitioning seems very strange to me. For me, feminizing would be a process of not hiding who I really am, rather than something I would have to work at, learn, or medically alter. I am and always have been a female, but I've chosen to hide behind male clothing for so long, it's hard for me to imagine doing anything else.

I've come to understand that simply putting on the clothing will never define my gender. There are lots of people out there wearing dresses who aren't actually female, and there are also lots of females wearing male clothing. What matters first and foremost is how you see yourself.

Some religions (Hinduism, for example) would certainly ascribe transgender or hermaphroditic characteristics to God. If there are any trans religious folks out there, you should definitely do some reading about non-Abrahamic paths to God.

As for the main discussion, I'm not sure how to explain my own experiences. Mistress has helped and encourages my transition. She tells me I'm beautiful and that what she wants is for me to be happy, and we both agree that this is what achieves that. I started down this road before she and I were involved, and I'm not reliant on her to break my barriers down or anything. Regardless, she’s a tremendous source of encouragement. Her love makes me want to be a better woman.

I can be a pretty big flamboyant glamour-puss all on my own; even dressed down en-femme I prefer corsets and heels with my shirts/blouses and slacks, and I love big beautiful wigs. The "force femme" in our relationship comes from Mistress's gentle insistence that I remain en-femme as much as absolutely possible, and from the bimboification/sissification/dollification elements in which I'm expected to bury my ego and become a frilly, servile plaything. That isn't always on. The other way in which I identify with this terminology is her training me to become more sexually effeminate; I'm a receiver now, and my clit is for teasing (and vibing/stimulation if She's pleased), not penetrating anything. That's been mind-blowing. It's the best I've ever had.

The topic about, are TS women really forced to be feminine is and has been on my mind for some time. I agree we were programmed by society, family and church to be men since our gender was stated as male when we were born. That’s just a physical description of us not who we were or are. For some most traits taught to us, to be men, is to a degree with work possible to de-program. But it is not really a complete de-programming. We still have some male traits that keep surfacing without our knowledge and sometimes at the least opportune times. To be forced to be ultra fem, bimboification/sissification/dollification or even a maid of servitude is something we would not do on a normal basis. This is not how we live day to day but it does instill in us even more feminine attributes. I agree it is a form of forced feminization even when we live as women.

The Collar Around My Neck

2011-06-26T03:50:25Z

                                      DON’T speak to me!
                                        DON’T touch me!
                                        DON’T look at me!
                                        DON’T care about me!
                                        DON’T think about me!
                                        DON’T talk about me!
                                        DON’T come anywhere near me!
                     It is too dangerous for us to be around each other!
                     It’s not fair to you; it’s not fair to me!
                     You will get hurt; I will get hurt!
                     All communication will be through my MASTER!
                     I will do the same!

Prejudice and bigotry in every form is vicious, mean, and evil!
Los prejuicios y la intolerancia en todas sus formas es vicioso, media, y el mal!
Rachel Joy Bowman January 1, 2010.

The author can be reached at racheljoy6@hotmail.com.

Worthless Words

2011-06-26T03:48:17Z

Words without action are worthless, meaningless, useless bunch of empty hot air!
Show what you are about. Prove yourself.
Don’t pass the buck. Don’t force someone else to do your dirty work for you.
The what and how are on you!
You have years and years of experience, you have many years of education, and you have years of training.
Don’t become impotent and rendered stupid, idiotic, moron. Don’t throw away all of those resources of experience, education, and training for nothing; a complete and total waste. Don’t let them become meaningless, useless, and worthless.

Prejudice and bigotry in every form is vicious, mean, and evil!
Los prejuicios y la intolerancia en todas sus formas es vicioso, media, y el mal!
Rachel Joy Bowman January 1, 2020,

The author can be reached at racheljoy6@hotmail.com.

Prejudice and bigotry in every form

2011-06-26T03:46:23Z

               Prejudice and bigotry in every form
                   is vicious, mean, and evil!
Los prejuicios y la intolerancia en todas sus formas es vicioso, media, y el mal!
                                                        by Rachel Joy Bowman July 1, 2011

               Instead of choosing accommodation like Jeff has,
                                    you chose rejection.
               Instead of choosing cooperation like Jeff has,
                                   you chose exclusion.
               Instead of choosing to work with me like Jeff has,
                          you chose to sabotage my efforts.
              You have shown yourself to be a bigot,
                discriminating against a disadvantaged minority.
              You have shown yourself to be a bully
                      by how you did what you did.
              You have shown yourself to be a hypocrite
                      by stating that you are all-inclusive,
                                but not including me;
                      by stating that you welcome all,
                                but not welcome me;
                      by stating full equality for all,
                                but not for me.
You are reacting to a nightmare label that I was forced to inherit almost twenty years ago and not to the individual person you got to know.
I thought you were my friend but you stabbed me in the back and turned your back on my earnest efforts to show that I was really trying to be a better me.

The author can be reached at racheljoy6@hotmail.com.

How Sorry Are You?

2011-06-26T03:44:02Z

You have caused a lot of pain, suffering, and sorrow. You have done a great deal of emotional damage; the scars of which will last through generations.
Take on the responsibility of being held accountable for your actions!
Where is the correction, the repair, the atonement?
What are you going to DO about it?
Show it! Prove it!
1. Remove yourself:
Move! Move out of the state for more than thirty years – do not visit, do not communicate!
2. Debase yourself:
Go onto all social media and use your words for those who you lied to about another. Confess to the sin of what you did and how you did. Describe what and how you corrected, repaired, and atoned. Write it all down and publish it.
3. Drop out/time out:
Remove yourself from all activity in all groups and with other people in your area.
4. Volunteer:
Commit to activities and efforts where you can conduct corrections, repairs, atonement, and prevention of future occurrences.
5. Endure:
Withstand all constant reminders of the evil hurt, pain, suffering, and sorrow that was cause and are responsible for.

MY STORY

2011-06-26T03:41:45Z

I first noticed that there was something that wasn’t quite right with some parts of me. The way I felt, acted, and thought did not seem to match what I was being bombarded with about being “Male”. I was brought up in the later 1940’s and early 1950’s eras when the roles of “Male” and “Female” were clearly and very distinctly defined by religions, societies, and authorities.
I was the third of five children (a sixth was still born). My older brother eventually came out as bisexual in his young adult years. At the age of about 8 I had an awakening experience. My Mom was very active in Scouting for the boys and the girls. I really was interested in the Girl Scouts that my sisters were in but had to settle for the cub scouts. I really looked forward to receiving the large chocolate bars each of us would get at the monthly troop meetings. They were fun meetings. Good free movies and skits put on by the different dens and troops. At this one particular time the Den Mother decided that our skit turn would be to have us dress up in grass skirts and do the hula. I was mortified. I was terrified that I would be forced to show up and be ridiculed as having gay tendencies (I was only 8 years old with irrational feelings). This incident forced me to face a fear I had of being “different” maybe gay or whatever. At that time I had no idea that “trans” existed. I was not aware of any of the other words other than “gay”. I was terrified that I would not be fit to be included in being “Male” by my parents, relatives, or peers. I really did not want to be “different” and fought with all my might against it. We were all very close to each other in our family; I especially with my Mom. I deliberately went against my overriding compulsion to go after that candy bar and feign sickness in order to keep from going to that troop meeting that evening. I had just learned of the trick of holding the thermometer against the night light next to my bed. I really felt bad at having to fool my Mom and lose out on the large chocolate bar and movie but I was that terrified of my fears being found out.
That incident set the stage for my inner battle with myself on coming to realize that I was “different”.

Later on, throughout my elementary and high school years, I would compulsively cross dress and fantasize about being a female; even in my dreams. I had feelings inside of me that were completely different than what I thought I should be having as a “Male”. I now, in later life, realize how much I had been brainwashed in what gender roles were supposed to be according to the current society norms. I really strived, for the sake of my family, to be a “normal” male and conform to what I thought that society wanted me to be.
I worked very hard at pleasing everyone that had a lot of expectations of me. It led to a lot of very bad mistakes and decisions on my part that resulted in catastrophic consequences for me.

It took a considerable number of years for me to finally realize that I needed to confront and admit that I was a transgender person. I had to finally succumb to who I truly was, to be the person that I was supposed to be in the beginning and be true to myself. Stop trying to be what society wanted me to be and start being the person that I am supposed to be.
I have written a poem about leaving behind this former abysmal self. You can read it on my blog: http://blog.rachelbowman.com. Search for “A Reflection” article.

In 2000 I had finally committed myself to stop trying for approval from others and start investigating just who, what, and how I was. It took me on a long journey to 2004. I had revealing conversations with my Mom. I learned that she actually knew who, what and how I was even before I was born. I came right after the still born. My Mom experienced society from the 1920’s through the 1990’s when it was a criminal offense to be gay or any other gender non-conforming condition. She knew that any exposure of this could and would expose the entire family to risk of violence and death. There was no guide book. She had no way of knowing what to do or how to do it. It was even extremely difficult to even talk about it with my dad. The only choice was to try and sequester any outward signs of being “different”. Fortunately we attended a somewhat tolerant religious organization and commanded some respect from the community due to volunteer efforts and my dad’s connections through being a salesman.
It was fortunate for me that my Mom decided to help encourage me to experience and explore the different roles and worlds in which we all lived. I was included in “dress up” play, in both the Boy Scouts and the Girl Scouts (which I preferred), in joining my sisters in their play, and being included in learning to bake, cook, sew, and in girl’s finishing school lessons. I paid close attention to the lessons I learned from my sisters. I found myself really enjoying the “female” role.

Society was catching up, too. While attending high school there were more efforts to enroll males in cooking classes, home economics, and other female dominated areas. There were more efforts to interest females in non-traditional classes like some of the vocational trade classes. In the junior college there were now females taking auto shop on the way to engineering degrees and males learning to sew.

At the time I was ready to transition and by extension “come out”, society was a little more ready to be accepting and/or tolerant. Laws against being “different” were being changed/thrown out as unconstitutional. Discrimination, bigotry, and prejudice were exposed more. I wrote a letter to my sisters with my “staff” picture. A simple one sentence was all it said, “This is to introduce Ms. Rachel Joy Bowman formally known as your brother. I have been open and forthright with everyone on my past and my transition. The most frequent comment I have received from relatives and peers is, “What took you so long?” My transition took no one by surprise. They could see it happening all along the way. Most were either disgusted (shaking their head) or thrilled to see me so much happier and contended than they knew me as. When I revealed my hidden self to my daughter (she was about 30), she was not surprised and was very thrilled that I had “found” my true self. I brought here up to be with very little prejudice – a live and let live – outlook; to not judge others and let others live like they wanted to. I was driving at the time and only had the truck tractor for transportation. She had gone on several trips with me and knew the tractor. One afternoon I called her and told her that there was something of vital importance that I needed to show her. I drove over to the apartment that she was staying at. I had on my heels, nylons, and my good “job interview” skirt and blouse suit. I stood by the front gate waiting for her to come out. She came out, saw the tractor and started to cross the street to it. I said, “Hello, Valerie”. She turned around looking and I said again, “Hi, Valerie”. Suddenly here eyes got real wide and her lips formed an “O”. The expression on her face was priceless to me. I said, “How do you like my costume”? She did not immediately recognize me I had so changed from male to female. She originally had the impression that I was an elderly matron waiting on the sidewalk for someone. Only when I spoke did she realize that I was her “parent”, which is how she now referrers to me.

Along the way I have experienced very little to none of the violent discrimination and bigotry that I have heard and read about against trans and gays. The discrimination and bigotry that I am presently experiencing is from some self appointed vigilantes that are reacting to an almost 20 year old nightmare label that I was forced to inherit by my former self; a self that is no more, a self long ago and far away. I am a completely and totally different person in all aspects.
There are some in this community who are on my side offering support and encouragement to be a better person and strive to shed the label. There are also some in this community who want only to react to the forced nightmare label with disgust and fear. The fear leads to hatred and the fire of hatred blinds the eyes. They only react to the label and not the person/individual who has shown what they are, where they are, and how they are at present. The results are abject rejection, which sabotage any efforts.

Finally, in 2004 I started looking around for some help; some resources. There was some on the newly available internet but very limited and sparse. I guessed that I might find somewhere to start by going to some of the gay friendly places (bars) I was starting to hear about. I do not remember why I wound up at Only For You Boutique but in just a few visits my life was about to completely and totally change forever. One of the owners mentioned a few places that I may be interested in and invited me to join in a meeting that was being held in the store. The owner wound up as a very special friend.
I went to one of the bars the owner mentioned and found another transgender person. They invited me to join in a carpool with another to travel to the L. A. area for a first appointment with an endocrinologist. After listening to his introduction I realized that my perception of long drawn out years of complying with protocols were wrong and that I could actually get started and really DO THIS! Right then and there I committed to transition. I started with six subcutaneous pellets. The recommended minimum was six and a maximum he would give was fourteen. The pellets were a time release estrogen formula. There were some supplemental shots and pills to take and it was our responsibility to sign up and see a personal general practitioner. We were to return in four months instead of the customary three months. After discovering that the six pellets made me feel really great and no undesirable side effects I went to twelve pellets every four months.

I had the most startling and unusually odd feeling about this. At the time of this initial visit, I was unemployed, homeless, on parole, destitute, and ostracized. In spite of this I actually had the $1,425.00 in cash that I needed to do this. I also had two supportive friends and transportation. I felt that something – someone really wanted me to do this. I developed my motto: “What Rachel needs, Rachel gets!” It may not come when I want or get what I want, but what I NEED will be provided. I was able to visit the endocrinologist for four and a half years. I have been able to afford the pharmaceuticals that were prescribed. I have been fortunate to have been able to change my name and gender through the courts for my driver’s license (which became a trucker’s license), my Social Security account, and my birth certificate.
While I was homeless and staying in a class C Toyota motorhome at a truck yard, I actually took a week to transition. There was a period of 24 hours that I shaved all over, changed my hair, found a wig, applied make-up, changed all my clothes and went to female 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. After about four months I did not own or posses anything that fastened on the right or had legs.

I acquired work as a female almost immediately after my name change – as a driver! My new boss was very impressed by my abilities and my attitudes. He later complimented me and praised my ability to be the first and only driver in his history to obtain a maximum load on my very first trip. If he suspected that I was trans (“different”) he seemed not to really care. I then moved to farm manager on a family farm where I became friends and close to the owner couple. I had taken over the duties of a somewhat out lesbian farm hand. I also drove. I had conversations with the couple about my past. They seemed fascinated to know and learn from someone such as myself. I retired from the farm after four years.

In 2008 a trans doctor moved here from Portland. She is a general practitioner and now my personal physician. She is an assistant professor at San Francisco State. I have to travel to the Selma clinic to see her. We have become friends and are both activists for trans issues.
A great many coincidental events have conspired to come together and support my transitioning. I really believe that there is something that is happening to bring about my change. I have had so many bright neon signs and moments that have definitely pointed me in a certain direction and at a certain time. I am so unable to believe or comprehend that it is all happenstance and random chance occurrences.

Along the way I have spent a considerable amount of time in creating, developing, and instituting a greater amount of access to more resources for transgender persons, gender diverse populations, and friends/allies.
My research and investigations have led me to conclude that there are two very best Gender Reassignment Surgeons in the world. The first and foremost is Dr. Suporn Whatanyusakul, M. D. http://www.supornclinic.com, and secondly Dr. Sherman Lei, M. D. http://www.thetransgendercenter.com.
I will not qualify because of age restriction for Dr. Suporn’s services. I am attempting (at the time of writing this article) to have my GRS with Dr. Lei in Philadelphia Pennsylvania on Tuesday, May 17 (my natal birthday), 2011. Total cost for this operation is estimated to run to $20,175.00. I have already pre-paid (in cash) most of the cost.

As I say in my poem, I am happier now than I have ever been. Again, it looks like “What Rachel needs, Rachel gets! I am really hoping that I am supposed to do this!

For more information and questions/comments contact the author of this article at racheljoy6@hotmail.com.

Sexual Identity In Your Head

2011-03-23T04:16:00Z

Is Sexual Identity All in Your Head?
Our Sexual Identity Has Little To Do With Sex Organs, Researchers Find
By Joanna Schaffhausen Jan. 22 (abc news/Health)

Is it a boy or a girl? It's the first question most parents ask about their newborn baby. But for a surprising number of infants, the answer is not immediately obvious.
Doctors say as many as 1 in 2,000 babies is born with ambiguous genitalia — neither totally male nor female. For parents, the decision about how to proceed is often agonizing, and the stakes are high: the wrong choice could trap a little boy inside a girl's body or create a girl who longs to be a man.
Now a new study in the New England Journal of Medicine is shedding more light on what factors make us feel male or female. The research examined 16 genetically and hormonally male babies born with a rare birth defect called cloacal exstrophy (unlike cases where the genitalia are ambiguous, male babies born with cloacal exstrophy have a small or non-existent penis).
Traditionally, doctors believed that without a penis, these children would not be able to form a healthy male sexual identity. So, 14 of the 16 babies were assigned the female sex, given female hormone treatments and raised as girls.
But follow-up questionnaires given years later suggest that the female label did not stick very well.
"These children were born male in nearly every respect," explains study author Dr. John Gearhart, professor and chair of pediatric urology at Johns Hopkins Hospital in Baltimore.

The Key? Hormones. Gearhart found eight of the 14 subjects now declared themselves male. All 16 of the children enjoyed typical "male" pursuits such as baseball, football, and hockey. Only one played with dolls, and most rejected feminine clothing.
The study illustrates what was once unthinkable — that a person can feel like a male without a penis — is completely possible, maybe even predictable, given what we now know about how sexual identity is formed.
Hormones are key. "What we now know is that hormones imprint your brain," explains Dr. Craig Peters, a urological surgeon at Children's Hospital in Boston, Mass. "We don't know exactly when it happens, but probably even in utero."
Studies like Gearhart's have helped change policy. Now male babies born with cloacal exstrophy would be recognized as male. "One very seldom does gender conversion [for this condition] anymore," Gearhart says.
Yet surgery for other conditions, especially those involving ambiguous genitalia, is still common. "Probably the most common condition for gender conversion is male pseduo-hermaphroditism," Gearhart explains.

So How Do Parents Decide? Parents and doctors have a variety of scientific tools to tell aid them in determining a baby's sex if the genitalia are ambiguous. Genetic testing is performed to check for the presence of a "Y" chromosome. Males are XY; females are XX.
An internal exam determines the shape of the pelvis and checks for the presence of female sex organs like ovaries and a uterus. Physicians evaluate whether the person has the potential to be a fertile male or fertile female.
Doctors also check the baby's levels of male hormones (called androgens, like testosterone) and female hormones (such as estrogen). In each case, the sex hormones are created by the gonads — testes for males and ovaries for females.
But production of hormones is only half the battle. The body must have receptors that sense the presence of the hormones or sexual characteristics will not develop normally.
Babies who are born genetic males but lack sensitivity to male hormones are sometimes born with ambiguous genitalia, and often the decision is made to raise them as female because treatment with female hormones is considered more successful. A surgeon shapes the genitalia into female sex organs.
At Johns Hopkins Hospital, they have a "gender committee" that meets whenever an intersex baby is born. The team is headed by a pediatric endrocrinologist, but also contains a surgeon, a social worker and a clergyman among others. Together with the parents the team evaluates the baby and decides upon the best course of action.
What is "best," of course, is still under debate, but Gearhart hopes the increased attention to the issue of sexual identity will help future kids caught in the middle. "These long-term studies provide better science for the younger generation," he says.

Intersex Group Calls Surgery 'Mutilation'. Not all those born with ambiguous genitalia are happy about surgery that alters their sex. An organization called Intersex Society of North America, or ISNA, is devoted to educating people about intersex individuals, and they are challenging the way doctors treat intersex babies.
The group contends surgery can damage a person's sexual function for life. The patient may lose feeling in his or her genitals and be unable to have normal sexual relations. Some intersex individuals even call the surgery "mutilation."
ISNA recommends letting the patient decide whether or not to have surgery, which means waiting until a child is old enough to make such a complicated decision.
But many physicians believe it would be more harmful to wait, and worry about the impact of growing up intersex in a world unprepared to deal with such variety. "I've had parents say, 'I can't stand changing the diaper,'" Peters comments.
But ISNA argues it is society's job to adjust to intersex individuals and recommends counseling for families and patients dealing with the issue.
While Gearhart praises ISNA for raising awareness about intersex issues and pushing doctors to rethink their positions, he adds, "Initial studies from Hopkins are finding that most intersex people don't support the idea of a third gender."
Notes Peters, "A lot of the adults complaining about the surgery is based on old technology. We didn't know as much then, and surgeons would do things like cut away the entire clitoris. Surgery has improved a lot over twenty years ago."

But some surgeons find merit in ISNA's message. "It's rare that an enlarged clitoris would cause any medical problems, so we have time to wait," says David Vandersteen, pediatric urologic surgeon and vice-chief of surgery at Children's Hospitals and Clinics of Minneapolis/St. Paul. "[Gearhart's study] suggests that the relationship between external genitalia and psycho-social development is moderate at best, and shows there is good psychological foundation for leaving well enough alone."
Another point of debate is what and when an intersex child should be told about his or her medical history. In Gearhart's study, the children and young adults still living as females have not been told about their male genetic status.
ISNA favors telling kids as much as they can digest while they are still very young. Doctors are less sure about the timetable.
"A lot of bitter adults are bitter because they were never told," Peters says. "I believe kids should know but I don't know when. Finding out this information as a teenager would be difficult."

Just let the kid be who he is!

2011-03-19T04:18:00Z

Stanford Medicine, Spring 2011
GENDER X, THE BATTLE OVER BOY OR GIRL, By Dianne Klein

When Aaron Thompson recalls cutting the umbilical cord between his wife and their firstborn child, it’s not the joyful symbolism of welcoming a daughter into the world that makes him cry. It’s the voice he still hears, at once banal and foreboding, of a delivery room nurse in Orange County, Calif., who looked between his newborn’s pudgy legs and simply uttered, “Huh.”

Thompson, which is not his real name, repeats the sound of that voice, low and flat, and more tears flow. “I started paying attention then,” he says. “Then another nurse looked and said the same thing, in the same way. Then they called the doctor, who says, ‘There’s something wrong with your daughter, but I’ve got a C-section to do, so I’ve got to go.’”

What was “wrong” with the Thompsons’ daughter — a potentially life-threatening form of the endocrine disorder congenital adrenal hyperplasia — wouldn’t be medically diagnosed for a few more days. One of its effects, however, was immediately apparent: genitalia that could have been mistaken for male, or, owing to a malformed vagina, something in between.

“I was in shock,” says the child’s mother, Samantha. “I remember later one of the doctors saying, ‘Have you named the baby yet? You might want to wait.’”

Until that night in the maternity ward where his daughter was born, Aaron Thompson, a police officer, says he wasn’t aware that what were popularly called hermaphrodites even existed beyond the realm of mythology. Yet now he knows his daughter’s so-called ambiguous genitalia place her within a broad and unsettled diagnostic grouping known as disorders of sex development, or DSDs.

Deciding how, or even if, DSDs should be treated is trying the skills, minds and hearts of all concerned. A jagged divide has opened between those who believe in surgery to “fix” a baby’s sex and those who say — barring medical necessity — a child’s genitals should be kept intact. The arguments touch on the complex nature of gender and sexual identity, on what makes up a person’s sense of self, and who — or what — decides what that might be. The issues are roiling the community of pediatric bioethicists to such an extent that today many of its members are hesitant to publicly express their opinions for fear of hardening the divide. “Everybody’s got a dog in this fight,” says one.

Even the nomenclature is a minefield of confusion, anger and hurt. Terms used include intersex, DSDs, true hermaphrodite, female or male pseudohermaphrodite, sex reversal, or simply the medical names of some 30 specific conditions, each with its proponents and detractors. And that’s just the clash over words.

The Thompsons’ daughter, now a beautiful 5-year-old who wears a medical alert bracelet for congenital adrenal hyperplasia, is by every medical indicator a girl. Like her younger sister, she has XX chromosomes, ovaries, a uterus and Fallopian tubes. But because her adrenal glands lack an enzyme to make the hormones cortisol and aldosterone, her body produces more androgen, a type of male sex hormone. In utero, this caused her genitals and, many medical authorities believe, her brain, to become “masculinized,” which, in turn, is associated with behavior typically linked to males. Today she must take daily hormone medication to stay alive.

Her parents call her a tomboy but are quick to point out that her mother was one, too. And their daughter’s genitals, they say, now look like those of any other little girl. At the age of 6 months, she had surgery to reduce the size of her clitoris and open her partially fused labia. At least one follow-up surgery, around the time of puberty, will likely need to be performed to counteract narrowing of the vaginal canal.

Samantha Thompson, an accountant, says before she and her husband agreed to the surgery, she researched the pros and cons on the Internet, recalling how “some people called it mutilation,” and how adults with DSDs who underwent genital plastic surgery as infants warned that their sexual organs and their psyches remained horribly scarred. Many such adults have begun speaking out about what they say was medical ignorance and hubris, and their parents’ sense of shame.

Even given a marked improvement in today’s surgical techniques and an increase in psychosexual awareness, surgeon Linda Dairiki Shortliffe, MD, professor of urology at the Stanford School of Medicine, says, “There is no right answer in many of these cases. That’s why it’s so hard to give advice to parents. We really don’t know what that person is going to be when they grow up.”

Katrina Karkazis, PhD, senior research scholar at Stanford’s Center for Biomedical Ethics, who authored the 2008 book Fixing Sex: Intersex, Medical Authority and Lived Experience, says narrow ideas about gender, societal and medical discomfort with such ambiguity, and distraught parents’ belief that they must surgically make their child normal as soon as possible have led to avoidable mistakes. “If we slow things down and think about it more,” Karkazis says, “better decisions would be made.”

But to parents such as the Thompsons, who say their daughter’s genital masculinization was not especially pronounced, there is little debate about the benefits of choosing surgery. “The doctors said if she didn’t have it, she might have trouble menstruating and there could be other problems, like bladder infections, and an enlarged clitoris can be painful if erect,” says Samantha Thompson. “Plus it could be visible in a bathing suit.”

“It’s a physical birth defect,” adds her husband. “If it were webbed feet, wouldn’t you fix that? She’s not going to remember it. It was a no-brainer. It is not a sexual orientation question.”

Boy or girl? At its basest level, our sexual markers chart our identity as human beings. Outside of some plants and invertebrates, there is no true third way; no animal has a complete set of both male and female sex organs, tissue and chromosomes. There are, however, a variety of sexual combinations that arise in humans, even within the recognized normal range for hormones, organs and genes. Not unlike the astounding variation in, say, the shape of people’s noses, the appearance of human genitalia varies too. Locker room talk and pornography aside, there is no gold standard that can determine what works best.

But what if something goes “wrong”? In the seventh week after conception, the complex process of sex differentiation begins in the human embryo. Within the chain of interactions among genetic, molecular and physiological processes, the possibilities for biological detours are vast. A so-called true hermaphrodite, for example, might be born with an ovary and a testis, or a combination of the two known as an ovotestis. The child might have an external organ that looks like a penis, or an enlarged clitoris, or a variation of the two that could be described as a clefted lump of tissue with a nubbin in front.

This is not something polite company talks about, nor even within the scientific community is it studied much. Often owing as much to the stigma as to the relative rarity of occurrences, there are no hard numbers on which research might be based, as yet no national surveys or database. Longitudinal medical studies that gauge how adolescents or adults have fared after genital plastic surgery as infants are sparse.

Categories are also ripe for dispute. Do hypospadias, the common congenital anomalies in which the opening of the urethra is somewhere other than the tip of the penis, fall under the umbrella heading of DSDs? Some medical researchers say they don’t; others adamantly disagree. As such, estimates on the frequency of intersex conditions in the United States range from one in every 2,000 live births to about half that.

Cleft lip or palate, which occurs about once in every 550 live U.S. births, is one congenital anomaly to which ambiguous genitalia are often compared. Says one prominent pediatric urologist who does frequent genital surgeries on infants, “I see all these photos in the Wall Street Journal, kids with holes in their faces; they’re pleading for money to fix cleft palates. Well, I can’t show these penises, which look absolutely terrible. People would say it’s child pornography.”

It’s the secrecy, the whiff of tawdriness, that still sets medical and social treatment of DSDs apart.

In a private dining room at Stanford Hospital in the fall of 2010, pediatric endocrinologist E. Kirk Neely, MD, flanked by university colleagues and two DSD patients’ rights advocates, talks of the “Balkanized medical care” that intersex children and their parents receive. He refers not only to Stanford, but to the patchwork and inconsistency that is the norm nationwide. This is the fourth meeting of Stanford’s fledgling DSD team, its formation spearheaded by bioethicist Karkazis, and the effort is still so unformed that members go around the table to introduce themselves.

But already there is consensus that to end what Neely, a clinical professor of pediatrics, calls the “general catch-as-catch-can” approach to treating infants with DSDs, Stanford needs a more formal team. He hands out raw census data on possible DSD cases at Lucile Packard Children’s Hospital for the past year, about 50. Next he passes around his laptop, which displays a full-screen photograph of the latest case of ambiguous genitalia in the intensive care unit.

Says child psychiatrist Richard Shaw, a professor of psychiatry, “Longer-term, ours should be a model program, a nationally recognized program.” Heads nod all around.

Pediatric endocrinologist Avni Shah, MD, a clinical instructor in pediatrics, offers that she was pleasantly surprised to learn that pediatric and adolescent gynecologist Paula Hillard, MD, a professor of obstetrics and gynecology, seated beside her, had been summoned to consult on two intersex babies within the past two months. But, as those around the table agreed, that was a matter of chance: A pediatric urologist who routinely performs plastic surgery in these cases — genitoplasty — might just as easily have been called.

In an earlier interview, Hillard, who spent 23 years at Cincinnati’s Children’s Hospital, recalled an adolescent patient who had her clitoris amputated in infancy. “How can I think anything other than, ‘Why was this done?’” she asked. This and several other surgical outcomes in patients she has treated have cemented her belief in a measured, team approach to treating infants with DSDs.

The most medically influential case in the annals of intersexuality didn’t stem from an intersex birth, but from a horribly botched circumcision in 1966. Bruce Reimer’s penis was burned beyond repair when he was 8 months old. Numbed by the news that their son would never sexually function as a typical man, his parents agreed with psychologist John Money, PhD, of the newly established Gender Identity Clinic at Johns Hopkins Medical Center, to “transform” Bruce into Brenda at 22 months.

With his identical twin brother unwittingly acting as a control, Bruce would go on to test Money’s theory that with surgery, hormone treatment and gender-specific socialization, gender identity could be successfully, and unambiguously, switched. Despite mounting evidence to the contrary, the case of John/Joan as Money called it in his research papers was trumpeted as an unqualified success. Coming from a leading authority on intersex conditions and the psychological ramifications of ambiguous genitalia, the findings, backed by Money’s earlier research, lent global legitimacy to the practice of sex reassignment in infants. Money’s implicit message to pediatric urologists and endocrinologists was that they could, in essence, surgically or hormonally channel an intersex child into whichever gender they chose.

Then Brenda, at the age of 15, learned the truth behind her tortured existence within a life that never fit. After refusing one last time to undergo surgery that promised to complete her anatomical transformation, Brenda’s father told her about the genesis of her forced femininity. The adolescent immediately switched back to male, adopting the name David and demanding male hormones to speed the process. He had his breasts surgically removed and a rudimentary penis attached all before he was 16 years old.

But David Reimer, despite having married a woman and adopting her children, despite having told his story publicly in the hope of sparing other children a similar tragedy, killed himself in 2004. Money, now deceased, never admitted that the success of the Reimer sex reassignment was anything but.

With the help of Reimer’s supervising psychiatrist, a rival researcher, Milton Diamond, PhD, now retired from the University of Hawaii at Manoa, tracked down Reimer to document the disastrous outcome. “The evidence seems overwhelming that normal humans are not psychosexually neutral at birth,” Diamond wrote.

But what of children born with ambiguous genitalia? Are they, according to the Freudian notion still prevalent today, dependent upon a penis or a lack thereof to define their gender identity? How often is this view imposed on infants through genital surgery? What’s right, and whose call is it to make?

A leading researcher on DSDs, William Reiner, MD, a pediatric urologist and psychiatrist at the University of Oklahoma, says the answers still largely depend on where a child is born. Outside of a handful of teaching hospitals, UC-San Francisco, the University of Michigan and the University of Pittsburgh among them, few U.S. institutions have any established protocol for the always surprising, and often shocking, event of an intersex birth.

“There is no standard of care,” says Reiner, also on staff at Johns Hopkins. “Usually the approach is determined by who you happen to see first. In the Western world, everybody expects to have a perfect child to begin with. So if they aren’t perfect, they’re all upset. Most of what has evolved [in the treatment of DSDs] over the last half of the 20th century has more to do with people’s ideas and views and thoughts and biases than it has to do with any kind of data.”

When Lisette Dickinson, which is not her real name, was born in 2004 she had several strikes against her. She came from an unstable home in a hardscrabble area of the deep South, her twin sister died shortly after birth and Lisette herself was in poor enough health that when social workers removed her from her biological mother a few weeks later, they placed her in a foster home for medically fragile kids.

The reason state adoption officials labeled her a “special needs” child, however, was her sex. Nobody could say with any certainty what it was. Her biological mother called her a girl like her twin, but, as Lisette’s adopted mother explains, the child had what looked like a normal-sized penis as well as a vagina. At the hospital where she was born, they’d called her a boy. Medical tests later confirmed a small uterus, one teste and an ovotestis.

“Here’s this absolutely beautiful kid, but social workers couldn’t find a family for her,” says Lisette’s adopted mother, a psychiatrist in South Carolina. “They removed her from one foster home and put her in another. But there were problems with the other children in the home, and that mom told people about [Lisette’s] condition. They were afraid too many people would find out.”

As such, the state Department of Social Services called what amounted to an emergency hearing to determine what to do about this odd and fascinating case. An endocrinologist testified that the child wouldn’t be adoptable without an easily identifiable sex and advocated surgery, says Lisette’s adopted mother. A pediatric urologist, also favoring surgery — and soon — said the child’s gender could go either way.

For reasons that the girl’s adopted mother says are still not clear, a family court judge ordered that Lisette be surgically transformed into a girl, usually the easier surgical option. So when the child was 16 months old, her phallus was shaped into a clitoris and her testicular tissue removed. Today she is left with half an ovary and a uterus, and surgically created labia. She will likely be infertile.

“I wasn’t privy to the hearing,” says her adopted mother. “Her case worker told me after the fact. I was devastated. And so we got her at 20 months. We took her to a developmental pediatrician. We thought she might be mentally retarded; she wasn’t walking, not talking. Now she’s normalized out of that. But I always thought she should have been a boy. Her testosterone level is so high.”

Her mother says friends of Lisette’s siblings, noticing the masculine clothes the 6-year-old often favors and the tools and cars with which she plays, ask if she is a boy or girl. Lisette simply grins and declares she’s a girl.

“She is the coolest kid,” says her mother. “I don’t want her to be angry. I want to be careful not to make her angry that they did this surgery. My gut says that it was really stupid, and it makes me angry. But I don’t want to bias her that way.

“But she’s asked me, ‘Will I be a man when I grow up? And I say, ‘Yeah, you might be.’”

Using technology to shape ourselves and, without their consent, our children, has been a mainstay of bioethical debate for decades. Circumcision, foot-binding, growth hormone therapy and even tattoos and body piercings spring to mind. When it comes to treatment of DSDs, however, the term debate underplays the vitriol. Activists complain of medical arrogance, of being ignored and belittled. Many, including the 3,000 members of the International Intersex Organization, are loathe to accept the very phrase “disorders of sex development,” which was adopted by mainstream clinicians after the American Academy of Pediatrics published its Consensus Statement on Management of Intersex Disorders in 2006. Activists say disorder implies pathology, and that people with atypical variations in sexual organs, hormones and genes are, by nature, freaks.

“People are surprised that I’m well-adjusted, that I’m confident and happy about who I am,” says Hida Viloria, who was born intersex 42 years ago and has never had surgery or hormone treatment. “I refuse to let bigotry influence my self-esteem.”

Since testifying before a hearing investigating “the medical ‘normalization’ of intersex people” convened by the San Francisco Human Rights Commission in 2004, Laurence Baskin, MD, chief of pediatric urology at UCSF, rarely speaks publicly about the complex decision to surgically assign a gender to an intersex child.

“I thought they were going to shoot me,” he says of his experience at the hearing.

But Baskin, like many other surgeons and medical clinicians who treat these children, is acutely aware of how much remains unknown about the long-term ramifications of assigning gender in infancy. In a recent review article in Pediatric Urology, he and his co-authors called for further study to assess sexual function and psychosexual development in people on whom genital surgery was involuntarily performed.

Baskin says he empathizes with adults now suffering from bad surgical outcomes, and wishes they had had the same level of care available today. “And in 10 or 20 years, it will be better,” he says, moments after performing an infant genitoplasty himself. “But most of those who are talking out now come from split families, and some of it centers on the fact that they were born with terrible problems. But I’ve seen kids with terrible problems who have really good families. With love and empathy and proper care, these kids do fine.”

Pediatric urologist Hsi-Yang Wu, associate professor of urology at Stanford, notes that an established surgical technique that pulls the clitoris under the pubic bone — now known to cause painful orgasms — is no longer used. Using a surgical textbook to illustrate, he speaks in an interview of a preferred, nerve-sparing, technique used since the mid-1990s in which the erectile portion of the clitoris is removed.

While he called the surgery “not particularly difficult,” like his colleagues, Wu was quick to add that the long-term outcome remains unknown. “But I have a concern about waiting, too, about letting the child make the decision, as if that would be easier. I’m not sure it is. What I tell parents is, ‘You have to make decisions for your kids on everything, all the time.’”

Physicians argue that torn between cultural norms and expectations, the complexity of gender identity, and a dearth of hard research data, they strive to offer the best medical advice they can. And there are small differences, they note, that have gone a long way toward humanizing medical treatment during stressful times.

Says nurse practitioner Angelique Champeau, who coordinates UCSF’s DSD clinic, “We used to be very quick to assign a gender. We don’t do that anymore, and we’ve taught the nursing staff not to call a baby it. We have a list of baby names that could go either way. And for the first time two years ago, we sent home a child without assigning sex. The parents actually bonded with their baby, not with their baby’s sex.”

But alliances within the loosely connected network of researchers, clinicians, parents and adults with DSDs continue to shift, groups splinter and dissolve, and the level of mistrust even among advocacy groups remains high. Some groups demand an end to all cosmetic genitoplasty on children with DSDs at least until the child is old enough to give consent; others warn that alienating physicians will not help their cause. Adding to the chill is a nascent effort to hold physicians and hospitals legally accountable for genital surgery that, years later, has left their former patients unable to sexually perform or even experience sexual sensation.

The fall meeting of the Stanford DSD team was, in many ways, emblematic of the dilemmas involved in delivering the best care to DSD patients and their parents during a time when social concerns hold such sway. Even here, among generally like-minded colleagues, questions percolated about which pediatric urologist to ask to join the team; some were known to favor early surgeries, while others were not. And in an age of rising costs and more restrictive insurance coverage, the group wondered who would pay for personalized, long-term medical and psychosocial treatment of DSDs; the scramble for funds for more recognized conditions is already fierce.

At the meeting, bioethicist Karkazis spoke of making better decisions about genital surgery; about full disclosure; about helping families who have been misinformed or lied to; about humanizing medical, social and psychological treatment during high-stress times. Before the group broke up, assignments were made and schedules checked. They met again in January, their team now complete, and gathered again in February to begin discussing cases.

Before Meredith and Lyle Stevenson (not their real names) decided to bring home the little boy who had languished on a Chinese adoption site for more than a year, they did a lot of soul searching. There was the matter of his ambiguous genitalia, which on that basis alone had relegated him to the category of “special needs,” and then there was the fact he would be their fifth child.

But the Stevensons — she’s a stay-at-home mom and he works in the software industry — also live in a small town in the Pacific Northwest. And the message from the pulpit of the close-knit church in which they worship is anything but ambiguous when it comes to matters of sex. Meredith describes it as conservative and unyielding: Man marries woman and, God willing, children result.

“So this was one other thing that entered the picture,” Meredith says. “My husband and I had to think long and hard about our feelings toward homosexuality. Say we raised him as a boy and he falls in love with a boy. It could mean we picked the wrong gender. Or it could mean he’s homosexual. We had to make sure we were fine with homosexuality because we didn’t know for sure where he fell on the gender spectrum.”

What slight research exists shows little, if any, direct link between homosexuality and intersex conditions. Still, the connection persists. Anecdotes abound about children presumed to be one gender behaving in ways typically associated with the other. And the notion that exposure to prenatal hormones can shape sexual orientation goes back decades. What studies there are do show, for example, that women exposed to high levels of androgens when they were in utero have a slightly higher rate of bisexual and homosexual orientation than those who were not.

None of this — now — means much to the Stevensons. Their little boy, 4 years old, who has XY chromosomes like a typical male, but no testicles, happily sings in the background as his mother explains. Against the advice of a pediatric urologist who urged at least the application of topical testosterone on what he called the smallest penis he’d ever seen, the couple have decided to simply let their child grow into who he is, without surgery or other treatment, without adopting fears over the stigma of a male unable to urinate standing up.

When, during a family vacation, the child begged his parents to buy him a dress, they did — and allowed him to wear it throughout a flea market despite stares from passersby.

“I felt it then,” Meredith says. “That was the only point that it felt a little weird. But, you know, considering this whole thing, I think maybe I couldn’t have done this with my first child. When it’s your first, you have all sorts of expectations. But by your fifth child, you’ve filled all the holes in your own life and you just let the kid be who he is.”

Transgender In Canada

2011-02-22T01:57:00Z

Lakritz: Transgender people are just like the rest of us
By Naomi Lakritz, Calgary Herald February 15, 2011
http://www.calgaryherald.com/news/Lakritz+Transgender+people+just+like+rest/4290120/story.html#ixzz1Ee8fIlKi

Here we go again. A group of law-abiding people whose sexual orientation differs from the majority may be granted rights - and suddenly, pedophiles have carte blanche to run amok among us.
Back when the topic of the day was the legalizing of same-sex marriages, those opposed indulged in dire soothsaying. They said gay marriage would open the door to pedophiles demanding the right to marry children, not to mention people marrying animals, polygamy being legitimized, and oh, let's not forget that gay marriage was destined to undermine straight marriages, too.
Gay marriage became legal in Canada in 2005. Since then, pedophiles have not lobbied for the right to marry children, nobody has entered holy matrimony with their dog, polygamy remains illegal and straight marriages continue to fall apart due to the bad behaviour of the individuals in them, not because some gay couple down the street is wearing wedding rings.
Now the same hue and cry has arisen over Bill C-389, a private member's bill that would ban discrimination based on transgendered or transsexual status. The bill, brought in by NDP MP Bill Siksay, passed the House of Commons recently, but is predicted to be killed in the Conservative-stacked Senate. It seeks to make gender expression and identity part of the Human Rights Act, and to categorize crimes against transgender people as hate crimes under the Criminal Code.
Sadly, this bill has become known as the Bathroom Bill because its detractors believe it's all about allowing transgendered men into women's washrooms. Apparently, these men have been salivating to get into the ladies' rooms of the nation to sate their voyeuristic desires. If the bill passes, supposedly they will have the blessings of the Canadian government to do just that.
Blake Richards, MP for Wild Rose, told the media: "It really is a bit of a slippery slope.... We talk about someone with their gender identity, and I guess what it boils down to, my take on the matter is we open the door to pedophiles or peeping toms to use the washroom of the opposite gender and claim gender identity."
Charles McVety, president of the Institute for Canadian Values, declared that "Bill C-389 is a danger to our children," and added, "If 'gender identity' is enshrined in the Criminal Code of Canada, any male at any time will be permitted in girls' bathrooms, showers and change rooms as long as they have an 'innate feeling' of being female."
Alissa Golob, of Campaign Life, in an interview with LifeSiteNews, lumped Bill C-389 in the category of "attacks on the family" and suggested the bill's passage would lead to "transgenderism (being) taught in school as something that's natural and normal." I'm surprised nobody's yet warned that transgender people will begin recruiting our kids, but I'm sure such nonsense will be forthcoming.
I guess since gay marriage turned out to be a complete fizzle as far as undermining straight couples, these people have to find something else to stoke the fires of their pathetic indignation.
Bill C-389 should be debated solely on its merits. The bill is not about legitimizing criminal behaviour. It does not make voyeurism or pedophilia legal.
Debating the bill on its merits means deciding whether existing legislation already provides transgender people enough protection against discrimination and hate crimes.
Just as the vast majority of gays are law-abiding citizens and productive contributors to society, who have no prurient interest in children - a concern of those who opposed gay marriage - so, too, are transgender people. They're ordinary folks who simply want to be left alone, just like the rest of us, to live their lives and enjoy the same basic rights and freedoms as everyone else.
I've often wondered just what it is that the critics of this bill, and before that, of gay marriage, would like these folks to do. Repent for being gay or for being transsexuals? Stop being true to themselves and live the way their opponents think they should? Accept the status of second-class citizens and quit talking about human rights to which they should realize they're obviously not entitled? Know their "place" as black people were expected to for so long in the American South? Indulge in orgies of self-hatred and guilt for being hardwired the way they are? Disappear from society?
It's sad that the level of public discourse has to dip so low when a minority group stands to be offered equal rights.
Bill C-389 is neither an attack on the family nor a danger to any child. The legitimization of gay marriage touched only the lives of gay people. A law that protects transgender people will have no effect on anyone except those who are of a mind to discriminate. The only "danger" it poses is to the attitudes of those who would treat transgender people as unequal to everyone else.

MP defends vote against protecting transsexuals
A New Brunswick MP is defending his decision to vote against a bill that aims to bolster protection for transgendered and transsexual Canadians.
Bill C-389 narrowly passed its House of Commons vote on Feb. 9 and is before the Senate. It drew support from the province's Liberal MPs, but all six of the province's Conservative MPs voted against it.
The NDP private member's bill seeks to add protection to the Canadian Human Rights Act and the Criminal Code for those who've changed gender or are in transition.
It could face a roadblock in the Conservative-dominated Senate.
Mike Allen, the MP for Tobique-Mactaquac, said he had reasons to oppose the bill. He said there is adequate protection under current legislation.
"The way that human rights tribunals and courts are determining it … I believe they were already protected under existing legislation," he said.
Allen said his constituents largely opposed the bill and told him so.
"I got very few emails from my riding on this issue," he said. "Most emails from my riding were asking me to vote against the bill."
When asked, Allen said he had not consulted with any transgendered or transsexual people, nor any groups that represent them, to get their thoughts on the bill.
The other Conservative MPs declined to be interviewed about their vote.
Nationally, the vote mostly went along party lines, with Liberals, Bloc Quebecois and NDP largely backing it and the Conservatives opposing it. it passed 149 votes for to 134 against.

Any Excuse I

2011-02-01T18:06:00Z

Conflict of interest clauses are required by the United States Internal Revenue service especially for those organizations that are designated 501(c)(3) charities. The policy is specifically for addressing those individuals and instances of not paying required taxes and who are overly active in direct politics. Deriving personal benefit, especially financial, is an income that is taxable. The activity of lobbying and other political activity is self serving and thus in conflict with a charities need to not discriminate. The Conflict of Interest in an organization specifically address this issue – to expose a monetary issue of deriving a personal monetary benefit that falls within the requirements of a taxable event and/or a political activity that may serve as discrimination.

Caution must be applied when individuals misinterpret, twist, and otherwise misuse this policy to further a personal agenda usable against another.

There exists an organization whose chair has misunderstood, misinterpreted, twisted, and misused the organizations conflict of interest statement on several occasions; thus doing damage.

There is an individual within the organization that was accused of violating the disclosure requirement of the conflict of interest statement. The individual actually has no conflict of interest to disclose! The supposed violation stems from information that does disclose that the complete opposite is true.

The organizations Constitution was misquoted and misread to indicate that one of the purposes of the organization must work with minors. It does not. The second purpose clearly and plainly states that the purpose of the organization is to provide a means of action – not the action. The statement actually puts the organization at “arms length” from any individual or entity.

The position of Treasurer absolutely does NOT require, need, or has any capacity to be working with or even associated with any minor. Minors are forbidden to let contracts, open bank accounts, or own property and are forbidden to have anything to do with any treasury or treasurer. It is not even required that the treasurer must give the treasurer’s report. The report can be presented to the group by anyone.

The position of Secretary is to take minutes at meetings. Meetings are any gathering with a quorum of members of a group. Without a quorum there can be no meeting and the Secretary cannot take notes. The organization’s quorum minimum limit is six (6) individuals. Any time there is a meeting there is accompaniment of each other.

Fraud and deception was used to elicit a illegal resignation of officer position, making the resignation illegal.

This also leads to the false assumption that there was a disclosure required per a State code. The State code specifically states and declares the requirements. In this case the State code was followed to both the letter and the intent. There was no violation and full compliance was adhered to.

The organization is presently illegal and is in suspension – closed down. The Constitution explicitly states that any of the eleven (11) positions do not have to be filled at any one time EXCEPT the Chair and Treasurer. The last meeting of the organization was an election. There was NO election of a Treasurer nor was there any appointment made (does not appear in any minutes that were required). This means that the meeting/election became null and void and the very existence of the organization is illegal/not valid. In order to correct this dereliction an announcement must be made at the next regularly scheduled Business Meeting (even though there cannot be a formal meeting of the group) that must advertise a legal/valid election that must be scheduled for the following regularly scheduled Business Meeting. The election will become valid upon completion of the vote. The necessity of the procedure is to insure that the general public is propitiously informed of the events and proper advertised notices are given.