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Gold Rush Denver

2012-04-04T20:36:40Z

I was in a Gold Rush to Denver, Colorado for the Gender Identity Center Transgender Convention at the Renaissance Hotel. I left Fresno on the Amtrak at 6:00 p.m. on Wednesday, March the 21^st, 2012 (missed the Pride Committee meeting). I transferred at Richmond to the Fremont BART line. Train trip was $24.65 one way. Purchased a $10.00 BART ticket at the trains snack bar for $8.00. I then transferred to the SFO line at McArthur BART station. So far I was having a very pleasant trip. I arrived at SFO Terminal 1 (Frontier Airlines) at 11:00 p.m. I had to wait until 4:00 a.m. to collect my boarding pass – not a good night. One of the clerks indicated a quiet low light seat but very uncomfortable and the automatic announcements were very disturbing. The flight left at 6:00 a.m. and was fairly smooth. I arrived in Denver at about 9:30 a.m. (mountain time) on Thursday, March the 22^nd and had to wait 20 minutes for a Renaissance shuttle. It is a warm 70 degrees with a bit of a chilly breeze. I am glad I brought my sweater.
I was able to check in early (before the official 3:00 p.m. time). The organizers were struggling to get started. The first item was a film by the Boulder County PFLAG group called “Facts and Facets” introductions of Trans. I thought it was worth spreading around. After the film Rafi Daugherty (FtoM) spoke about Trans-Jewish Rituals. The 2^nd film was “No Dumb Questions” a very different view from young children (girls) on their perceptions of their Uncle becoming an Aunt. www.nodumbquestions.com.
I ventured over to the Walmart to stock up on some supplies I forgot to pack then grabbed a bite to eat at the McD. I thought I was being smart by mailing a box to myself at the Renaissance (which arrived soon after I checked in). Some items that I would have liked to have but were not allowed on the flight. I got a chance to take a dip in the indoor pool – the spa was out of order, darn. Then a shower and some sleep.
Friday saw some good classes in interpretive dance, voice by Kathe Perez, and religious perspectives. There was a speaker at the luncheon that spoke of the WPATH Standards of Care that was very enlightening. The entertainment for the evening was FACES (www.facesvocalband.com). A vocal performance group of 6 guys that did some incredible music with just their voice and throats without any physical musical instruments present.
Saturday classes were another view of voice by Lynn Skinner, some introspections by Deb-Ann Thomson, Ph.D, more voice by Kathe Perez.
I was looking at a 30 plus hour train ride Sunday so I hustled over to the Subway for the $5.00 special. I had to miss out on the “Ins and outs of undergarments” and the “Legal Documents” by Kate Bowman classes. Of course, one of the big frustrations of conventioneers is that it is impossible to attend two classes you want at the same time. I did manage to catch the Legal panel on hate crimes. Most of the conversation was on the need for reporting.
Kate Bowman was kind to drive me to the Amtrak station in the morning. I gave her the two twenties that I had reserved for the taxi. It became a donation to the Colorado Gender Identity Center. Departure was delayed until 11:15 a.m. mountain time (over two hours late). We were up in the Rockies within a few minutes and the Continental Divide by 1:00 p.m. It takes the train about 10 minutes to 12 minutes to traverse the 6.1 miles of the Moffitt tunnel (number 28) under the Continental Divide. The concern is the stale air within such a long tunnel. The first stop out of Denver is just on the other side at Winter Park Ski Resort.
There was a Llama farm up in the Rockies next to the train tracks and windmill farms dotted the Eastern side of the Rockies.
The city of Truckee, California is on top of the Donner Pass and had a lot of heavy snow – hard pack, too. The town is very quaint and old country style – not really “western”. It was time for my sub sandwich and some of the other passengers close by commented on trying to remember to do the same next time. The rest of the trip into Sacramento was missed because I was able to get a night’s sleep. We arrived about two and a half (2 1/2) hours late 3:57 p.m. and I just sat on the platform until the San Joaquin Daylight was ready to leave for Fresno. The weather was a little like a typical fall day for Sacramento. The sun was out but there were clouds and the air was a bit chilly. We left on time at 4:55 p.m. and arrived in Fresno a bit late at 8:10 p.m.
Kate and I were not able to sit and talk awhile to find out about our name connection. I will try to correspond with her on-line when we both have a chance. I wrote an article for the News Link newspaper that will be placed in my blog later. The trip was worth it and the final cost was $1,015.30 plus about $150.00 I dumped at the Walmart and Subway.
My one year check up by my surgeon, Dr. Sherman Leis (www.thetransgendercenter.com) was very good and found myself in very good health with recovery going very well. It can take up to one or two years for everything to finally heal to the point of completely.
For more information and/or to view my copy of the program, I can be reached at racheljoy6@hotmail.com.

A Reflection

2012-02-27T22:25:16Z

A REFLECTION

by Rachel Joy Bowman

I went down to the brook today
I saw a reflection – to my dismay.
It was not I, I saw, but another.
Such a sweet, kind, and gentle other;
with the age of wrinkle and line,
creeping along the edges so fine.

It is a time to turn around
And see a life that has been;
of experiences of then.
Was it lived - for someone else?,
or for yourself?

I am a different face now.
I am a different life now.
For what I was, when I was,
was long ago and forever gone.

I am happier now than I have ever been;
contented, joyous, and free.

Even if it’s just for a fleeting dream,
the chance to be finally “ME!!”

I went down to the brook again,
I saw a reflection and grinned,
a big grin.

January 07, 2006 by Rachel Joy Bowman

Transition to Female

2012-02-27T22:07:22Z

August 01, 2009
Transitioning from Male to Female is/has an exciting and very pleasurable sensation.
Set Up: For Ms. Rachel Joy Bowman, the initial discovery was around 8 years old. The actual beginning of my transition was much, much later – when American Society had a little relaxing of discrimination, bigotry, and hatred. I was in adamant denial. About 5 or so years ago, my mom (at age 92) and I had a conversation about her knowing about me even before I was born, but terrified of the hate and violence that would be launched against me and the rest of the family. But now (at that time) it was time I faced my true inside self. I started transitioning in 2000 and started medical treatment in 2004. It took all of about 4 days for me to change from the world of a male to the world of a female.
I started with going to some adult novelty stores where I found a reference to “Only For You” – a gay boutique on Maroa off Shields in Fresno, California. There I met and eventually befriended one of the owners, Shannon Smith. I found the local gay newspaper, “The News Link”. I noticed the adds for some of the bars and tried out the “Red Lantern”. There I met a person that introduced herself as Karina Lujan. I eventually took her up on her suggestion to car pool with her and her friend to visit with Dr. John O’Day of L. A.
First Medical Doctor: Doctor O’Day is an Endocrinologist – a specialist, not a general practitioner. He took us in as patients. I was impressed by his initial interview/overview appointment. He specializes in using pellets that are implanted (in one’s rear). They deliver more of the hormones, more efficiently, directly, and completely to the body’s cells.
Start: After he was finished explaining about starting out, comprehending the Harry Benjamin rules, and what could be accomplished, I jumped at the chance to “try it out”. I started with 6 pellets (to see how my body responded). Each pellet was $60.00. They are supplemented with a booster shot every other week. The next appointment comes after 4 months. A cocktail of hormones is given at that appointment (Depovera). I was hooked. I went to 12 pellets every 4 months. There are several pellet sizes and provide different time releases. I also opted for double booster shots every 2 weeks. The doctor’s office supplies an envelope with the shots pre-packed. I was doing this therapy for about 2 and ½ years. Each appointment cost me $1,425.00. I decided this was what I was supposed to be doing. All the appointments were met at the right times and I actually had the cash for each appointment.
Second Medical Doctor: In January of 2007, Dr. Jennifer A. Burnett, M. D. arrived in the Fresno area from Portland, Oregon. A former protégé of a well known Trans Doctor. Dr. Jen is an assistant clinical professor at the University of California, San Francisco, Fresno campus. Dr. Jen is working at the Adventist Health Selma Family Clinic. You start at the Tuesday special clinic for intake. The clinic is listed on the services/referrals page of this web site. It takes 20 minutes at 60 miles per hour to commute to Selma. Dr. Jen is a general family practitioner and is my own personal physician. Dr. Jen specialized in the skin during schooling. You will find out that she is one of us.
Prescription: The estradiol Verate hormone is obtained with a prescription from Dr. Jen. The prescription is for 40 MG/ML in mineral oil. It comes in a 10ML vial for injection in the rear end. Alternate cheeks, every other week. The cost is $29.00 plus $8.00 shipping. $37.00 total. The prescription comes from AnazaoHealth, Corp., 6630 W. Arby Ave., Ste. 102, Las Vegas, NV 89118-4663. Phone (702) 873-8455. More than one individual prescription can be shipped to the same address in the same box. About 12 to 14 vials can fit in the box. AnazaoHealth will accept the single payment of the $8.00 shipping charge and a combined payment for the prescriptions as long as there is a note designating what prescriptions go in the same addressed box.
Trans Clinic: As of July the 1^st, 2009, there is a Trans clinic at Planned Parenthood Mar Monte (also listed). There is also a family clinic. The Trans clinic only handles hormones, testing, and follow up. The family clinic does other needs like ear aches and other minor medical.
Mothers Milk Tea: For encouraging breast health. I buy a discounted case of “Mother’s Milk” herbal tea (by Traditional Medicinals) from Tower Health (listed on the services/referrals page of this web site.) I usually buy 12 boxes of 16 tea bags each (192 total tea bags = about .30 cents each) at a time. $57.43. You can get a deal at the Traditional Medicinals website, but not as local or as good a deal. Sometimes shipping is free. Please consider sticking with Tower Health.
I brew the tea as recommended. I also boil filtered water in a stainless steel sauce pan with 6 tea bags, let steep 15 minutes (with a glass lid), put about 20 or so ice cubes in, and pour into a glass pitcher for iced tea I keep in the refrigerator. I fill up the pitcher with the filtered water first, up to almost the top. I consider the vaporizing of some of the water after a roiling boil and then the additional water put in by the ice cubes. The ice cubes cool the tea enough to put into the glass pitcher (so it doesn’t break) and then into the refrigerator. I love the taste of the licorice flavor of the anise. There is no caffeine and no tannic acid so I can drink a lot and frequently – about 4 or 5 liquid cups a day. I use a 2 liquid cup mug with a big handle (for my big fingers).
Flat 2 Fem: Lucille Sorella’s herbal treatment program is a good supplement to/for transitioning. I have been on the breast cream routine for about 6 to 8 months (part of the routine is to stop for a few weeks) and I have gained a cup and a half in my breast size. Before I started, I had stalled in the breast growth area. I buy the herbal blend extract from grrenbush.net. Be sure and sign up for her free e-zine. They are pages from her Flat2Fem program (last I saw was $77.00).
Breast Cream: For the breast cream, I use it in the morning after washing (or shower). I do all this in the apartment’s main bathroom. I take about an hour. I use a cut glass pudding cup (good for ice cream, too), and a ½ teaspoon measure (25ml). FILL up the ½ teaspoon measure with your favorite body lotion – use a thick cream. I like to use Avena palm. It has NO alcohol! Put the cream in the cup. Fill the ½ teaspoon to about ¾ full of the blend extract. I have used a bottle of each of the 3 separate extracts. Mix all very well with the measure. Use your finger(s) to clean the measure and to apply the cream to each of the breasts. This cream is to be absorbed through skin. It works better than taking internally. Rub the cream in for 360 revolutions of massage. The right side clockwise, the left side counter-clockwise. Reverse. Change hands (cross arms). I count 1 to 100, 3 times, then to 60. This way I am not so liable to lose count (although it matters not) and my arms don’t get too tired. Then, I wipe my hands on my bare behind and legs. I don’t like wasting the cream. Clean the measure and the cup (rinse) under hot running water for next time.
Place a piece of cloth or plastic over the breasts (I use a plastic grocery bag). Place a set to high, preheated heating pad (I bought one at Walmart), on top of the cloth or plastic protector. I use an old elastic 3” wide belt to hold the pad against my chest. Turn the pad down to medium and set a timer for 20 minutes. I set my timer (a cheapie from Walmart) to 21 or 22 minutes. You can use the wait time to do your hair, makeup, jewelry, ect., that is why I use an elastic belt to hold the pad in place.
When the timer goes off, I pull the pad plug from the wall, take off the elastic belt (hold the pad with an arm), then place my heating pad and elastic belt in a canvass beach bag for storage. I have the bag hanging by a strap from one end of my towel rack.
Take the protector off and discard. I fold inward the plastic and trash it. I then use a washcloth I started with. It is still wet and now chilled. Wipe the excess off your breasts. I like the way the plastic protector keeps the cream in and heats the skin for good absorption. The coolness of the wash cloth closes the pores. You will notice a pancake syrup like smell. I find it stimulating for before breakfast mealtime. I have had no real notice of any strong smell. Lucille Sorella recommends using the cream both morning and night. I have just been using the cream in the morning.
Vitamins: I like to take a vitamin. I am presently taking Hair, Skin & Nails by One Source. Any brand will do. My hair and nails do seem to benefit. One capsule in the morning and one capsule in the evening. I buy them at “The Grocery Outlet” in Fresno, CA, U.S.A. I also take a gel capsule of Maximum Strength D3 (5,000 IU) supplement by Rexall Naturalist (also from The Grocery Outlet) as well as a capsule of Triveratrol Plus Dietary Supplement by Julian Whitaker, M. D. (through mail order). I now have to take a soft gel of Ocuvite by Bausch and Lomb from Walmart for my aging eyes. It is supposed to discourage macular degeneration.
Herbs: For Women’s herbal health enhancement, GreenBush Co. has some selected fresh, dried, and extract herbs. Go to the magazine page and check to see if there is free shipping available. www.greenbush.net
Another web site to check out is Real Age. It is a dietary reference site for foods benefitting a healthy Male and Female of all ages. www.realage.com
Hair: For my hair, I have been using Baume Hair Shampoo by Verseo and the Baume Hair Conditioner by Verseo. I buy them together through the Verseo web site.
Sun Screen: I also use NO AD Sport 50 sun screen/blocker. It has NO ALCOHOL!
Dental: I use the Crest Pro-Health toothpaste.
Soy Protein: The human breast cells need building material. I am not full of very much fat. I make up a drink of Soy Protein 95 Muscle builder. The soy I get at the bulk foods area of Winco Foods grocery store. 1/3^rd cup of soy in a glass that holds at least 8 oz. The recommended mix is 6 oz. of liquid. I pour in some Cranberry juice cocktail, some homestyle orange juice, and about 3 or 4 tablespoons of Shasta brand ZAZZ (grapefruit soda) with a large ice cube. Mix well. By the way, I store all of the ingredients in the refrigerator.
I have spent more than four (4) years researching a good surgeon for my Gender Reassignment Surgery. The best in the world, as of this article (August 01, 2009) is Dr. Suporn Watanyusakul, M. D. of Chonburi, Thailand.
Unfortunately, Dr. Suporn will not take patients older that sixty four (64). So I have had my corrective surgery with Dr. Sherman Leis, M. D. of Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. www.thetransgendercenter.com. I arrived on May the 15^th, 2011 and had my re-birthday on May the 17^th, my natal birthday. I spent three days in the Lower Bucks County Hospital and eleven days at the recovery apartments above Dr. Leis office. I returned home on Mary the 30^th. I am doing great and am pleased with the results. I still need to recover some more as of this writing. I am meeting Dr. Leis for my post surgery check up at the Gold Rush Transgender Convention on March 22^nd to March 25^th, 2012 in Denver, Colorado. He said he would meet me ‘half way’.
I am ecstatic and it feels really great to finally feel, think, dress, and be a full female at last! No more hiding, no more pretending, and no more conforming!
(As taken from the web site). Dr. Suporn Watanyusakul, M.D. www.supornclinic.com
Sex Reassignment Surgery ( SRS ) or Gender Reassignment Surgery ( GRS ) and Facial Feminizing Surgery ( FFS ) are the two major surgical operations frequently sought by male-to-female ( MtF, or M2F ) transsexual ( TS ) patients suffering from gender dysphoria. These represent key elements in their life-changing transition.
Dr Suporn Watanyusakul, MD is an aesthetic plastic and reconstructive craniofacial surgeon specializing in the fields of SRS, FFS and Augmentation Mammaplasty (AM) operations, and whose Clinic is in Chonburi, Thailand. With almost 18 years' experience of sex reassignment surgery and related operations, Dr Suporn has carried out about 1800 cases of primary SRS on patients from some 40 countries. He currently carries out approximately 160 SRS operations, and 50 "full" FFS operations each year.
This is the Official Web Site of Dr Suporn's Clinic. The following pages describe the surgical procedures and methods Dr Suporn uses in his sex reassignment surgery operations. The site provides a resource for prospective patients and medical researchers alike. It includes extracts from Dr Suporn's surgical presentations to the Royal College of Surgeons of Thailand, and discusses the effectiveness of his proprietary non-penile inversion technique for SRS in detail. The single stage vaginoplasty, labiaplasty and clitoroplasty operation differs substantially from the more traditional penile inversion technique. In comparison with the traditional methods, Dr Suporn finds his methodology gives generally superior results overall in terms of depth, cosmetic appearance and sensation . Detail descriptions of his proprietary SRS or GRS technique are given, along with a downloadable copy of a formal presentation describing his methodology. His reasoning and findings - along with testimonials of many patients in support of that - are documented within these pages.
It is our role to help you. However, we would also be grateful if - for all contact with the clinic - you could help us by maintaining consistent email addresses (or advising us when your email address has changed) in order for us to keep all your correspondence together. Please do not submit email attachments or supporting documentation with initial enquiries; we use a number of proformae to maintain consistency within our records, and we will ask patients to submit detail information on an 'as-required' basis during our dialogs. Please address all enquires regarding surgery with Dr Suporn to the following address: Contact Us: admin@supornclinic.com

The author of this article can be reached at: rachel@rachelbowman.com Updated 03012012

B Native A Part 2

2011-10-04T02:10:30Z

by Rachel Joy Bowman October 01, 2011

I seem to be having a really difficult personal problem I have been trying my best to resolve. I am having a great deal of trouble in getting used to certain sounds. Some of these sounds are very unsettling, distracting, intrusive, annoying and leading to being very irritated, which has a very strong influence on my tone-of-voice and interaction abilities.

I see an individual that is supposed to be coming across somewhat as representing a female. What comes out is a deep male voice. The voice is coarse. The voice is very rough and somewhat raspy, gravelly, gritty and a bit gruff at times. This is very disconcerting to my sensitivities. There seems to be a frequency and/or component that personally is grating to me.

For myself, when conversing they will not let me finish what I am trying to say. There seems to be an immediate need to jump in, interrupt, talking right over the top of you, and then ramble on and on and on and on in one continuous constant stream of words after my very first sentence; no breath, break, or pause to offer a reply or comment. Many of the words seem to be just fillers that can be best left out – unsaid. The subject is frequently changed. The content is usually a lengthy dissertation or very long lecture (sometimes approaching sermonizing) all about themselves – their exploits. Many are repeated over and over again ego oozing out of each sentence. With any conversation by any two people they must feel an incredible urgency to but-in and put their two cent opinion into and about everything and anything; whether they are a part of the conversation or not. It seems to me that they have an incessant fascination in hearing their own voice all the time over anyone and everyone else’s.

The fact that someone talks to themselves is not a big issue, but when they are very loud and constant during any time period it becomes distracting and bothersome reaching the point of being obnoxious, annoying, and irritating (which has a very definite effect on tone-of-voice in responding to the audible intrusion). Other audible intrusions to cover up are moaning, groaning, gnashing, snorting, grinding, grunting, griping, wheezing, and complaining. I feel like I am forced to endure the cries of pain much too long. If the pain is so bad that is causes one to cry out so much then quit doing whatever is causing the pain; at least until one can get to a doctor to get whatever fixed or some relief. It wouldn’t be so bad if it was just occasional but the noise pollution is incessantly continuous and loud. A simple effort to lower the sound volume level down to zero would be a tremendous relief.

I can not tell if you are talking to yourself, or to someone else, or to me. If you want to address me then call my name first so that I may know to direct my attention to what you are about to say. I have been noticing that when listening to someone else tell a story an excessive amount of interruption, interjecting, and intrusion has been happening; trying to finish sentences and trying to tell the story yourself. This is a something that everyone should be trying every effort to cut down on.

These are my feelings that I am trying my best to address. Feelings are nonsensical, illogical, no rhyme or reason, and cannot be helped – they just are. I can avoid these feelings, I can bury these feelings, I can cover up these feelings or I can deal with these feelings.

The solution that I have presently come up with, so far, are to use earplugs, headphones, operation of a motor, such as a fan, and/or closing doors to muffle or cover up to screen out the sound pollution. I do not feel that it is mandatory for me to talk to them or them to me. I do not feel that it is mandatory for me to listen to them or them to me. I do not feel that it is mandatory for me to have anything to do with them or them with me. Treat each other as if we were just some other guests at a hotel. Please do not bother with be nor speak to me. Take all questions, replies, and/or comments – no matter what – anything and everything – any and all dealings between us should go through the Master.

I have not heard or seen any evidence of any efforts toward doing anything about these subjects. No reading or studying. No practicing or learning any lessons, routines, or classes I have not heard or seen any indications or efforts toward modifying diet, exercises, routines, supplements, or anything else that would demonstrate any effort toward any real goal or actual changes.

If you can not find a way of compromising with this issue then I think it would be the best option at present to remove myself from being a thorn in the side of my Master and remove any cause of anymore harm. I will try to do my very best to keep out of the way, out of sight, and out of mind whenever I am in/at this location.

The author can be reached at racheljoy6@hotmail.com.

B Native A

2011-10-04T02:08:08Z

by Rachel Joy Bowman August 29, 2011

SUBJECT 1. I seem to be having a really difficult personal problem I have been trying my best to resolve. I am having a great deal of trouble in getting used to the sounds. Some of these sounds are very unsettling, distracting, intrusive, annoying and leading to being very irritated, which has a very strong influence on my tone of voice and interaction abilities.

I see an individual that is supposed to be coming across somewhat as representing a female. What comes out is a deep male voice. The voice is coarse. The voice is very rough and somewhat gravelly, gritty and a bit gruff at times. This is very disconcerting to my sensitivities.

When conversing they will not let you finish what you are trying to say. There seems to be an immediate need to jump in, interrupt, talking right over the top of you and then ramble on and on and on and on in one continuous constant stream. No pause or break to offer a reply or comment. Many of the words seem to be just fillers that can be best left out – unsaid. The subject is frequently changed. The content is usually a lengthy dissertation or very long lecture (sometimes approaching sermonizing) all about themselves – their exploits. Many are repeated over and over again ego oozing out of each sentence.

The fact that someone talks to themselves is not a big issue, but when they are very loud it becomes distracting and bothersome reaching the point of being obnoxious, annoying, and irritating (which has a very definite effect on tone of voice in responding to the audible intrusion). Other audible intrusions to cover up, are moaning, groaning, gnashing, snorting, grinding, wheezing, and complaining.

The solution that I have presently come up with, so far, are to use earplugs, headphones, operation of a motor, such as a fan, and/or closing doors to muffle or cover up to screen out sounds. I do not feel that it is mandatory for me to talk to them or them to me. I do not feel that it is mandatory for me to listen to them or them to me. I do not feel that it is mandatory for me to have anything to do with them or them with me. Any dealings between will go through the Master. They should also.

SUBJECT 2. I would like to respectfully request that I be relieved from washing the dishes, running the dishwasher, tidying up the kitchen, and maintaining the refrigerator. It was mentioned that there was a desire to turn the kitchen over to the new roommates. Would you please start that assignment right away. Please consider including the duty of picking up and cleaning up the kitchen, being responsible for making sure the cooking equipment, tools and supplies, and dishes are kept clean (also the running of the dishwasher in a timely, efficient, and economical manner).

The person(s) running the kitchen would best be the individuals to take on these responsibilities as they should know where everything is at and rely on themselves to make sure everything is where and how they want them to be.

I would ask to still continue the privilege of performing the coffee, vitamin, and orange (when available) routine in the mornings.

SUBJECT 3. Other observations that may or may not be of any importance:
The wearing of the cloth underpants creates extreme embarrassment by any onlooker who happens to be exposed to a dangling log. Tight, elastic stretch underwear with some kind of panty liner or other contour control shaper would smooth out and help hide the droopy log look.

The skirts waistband is worn way to high up under the breasts. That fashion is called an empire waist and should be reserved for those designs. Such a high waist makes the wearer seem and look way too much like a nerdy pantywaist and tends to draw way too much of the wrong kind of attention.

I have not heard or seen any evidence of any efforts toward doing anything about these subjects. No reading or studying. No practicing or learning any lessons, routines, classes, or appointments. I have not heard or seen any indications or efforts toward modifying diet, exercises, routines, supplements, or anything else that would demonstrate any effort toward any real goal or actual changes.

The author can be reached at racheljoy6@hotmail.com.

Bible References

2011-07-25T03:23:26Z

GLBTQI References
by Rachel Joy Bowman July 01, 2011

From the book “Evolution’s Rainbow” 2004 Joan Roughgarden, University of California Press, Berkeley and L. A., California – ISBN 0-520-24679-9.

Page 358 to Page 360 TRANSGENDER IN THE BIBLE. References the HOLY BIBLE containing the Old and New Testaments translated out of the original tongues: and with the former translations diligently compared and revised, by his majesty’s special command authorized King James version with chapter summaries. Published by The Church of JESUS CHRIST of Latter Day Saints, Salt Lake City, Utah, USA.

Page 472. ISAIAH Chapter 56, verses 03 through 05.
3. Neither let the son of the stranger, that hath joined himself trot e Lord, speak, saying, The Lord hath utterly separated me from his people: neither let the eunuch say, Behold, I am a dry tree.
4. For thus saith the Lord unto the eunuchs that keep my Sabbaths, and choose the things that please me, and take hold of my covenant;
5. Even unto them will I give in mine house and within my walls a place and a name better than of sons and of daughters: I well give them an everlasting name, that shall not be cut off.

Page 618. MATTHEW Chapter 19, verses 11 and 12.
11. But he said unto them, all men cannot receive this saying, save they to whom it is given.
12. For there are some eunuchs, which were so born from their mother’s womb: and there are some eunuchs, which were made eunuchs of men: and there be eunuchs, which have made themselves eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven’s sake. He that is able to receive it, let him receive it.

Page 694. ACTS Chapter 8, verses 26 t0 40.
26. And the Angel of the Lord spake unto Philip, saying, Arise, and go toward the south unto the way that goeth down from Jerusalem unto Gaza, which is desert.
27. And he arose and went: and, behold, a man of Ethiopia, an eunuch of great authority under Candace queen of the Ethiopians, who had the charge of all her treasure, and had come to Jerusalem for to worship,
28. Was returning, and sitting in his chariot read Esaias the prophet.
29. Then the Spirit said unto Philip, go near, and join thyself to this chariot.
30. And Philip ran thither to him, and heard him read the prophet Esaias, and said, understandest thou what thou readest?
31. And he said, how can I, except some man should guide me? And he desired Philip that he would come up and sit with him.
32. The place of the scripture which he read was this, he was led as a sheep to the slaughter; and like a lamb dumb before his shearer, so opened he not his mouth:
33. In his humiliation his judgment was taken away: and who shall declare his generation? For his life is taken from the earth.
34. And the eunuch answered Philip, and said, I pray thee, of whom speaketh the prophet this? Of himself, or of some other man?
35. Then Philip opened his mouth, and began at the same scripture, and preached unto him Jesus.
36. And as they went on their way, they came unto a certain water: and the eunuch said, see, here is water; what doth hinder me to be baptized?
37. And Philip said, if thou believest with all thine heart, thou mayest. And he answered and said, I believe that Jesus Christ is the Son of God.
38. And he commanded the chariot to stand still: and they went down both into the water, both Philip and the eunuch; and he baptized him.
39. And when they were come up out of the water, the Spirit of the Lord caught away Philip, that the eunuch saw him no more: and he went on his way rejoicing.
40. But Philip was found at Azotus: and passing through he preached in all the cities, till he came to Caesarea.

Some other references found in Joan Roughgarden’s “Evolution’s Rainbow:
Some feminine traits: Gentleness, empathy, nurturance, and grace.
Origen of Alexandria and the Valesians.
Thecla, Eugenia, “clothed in Christ”.
mukhannathun of the hadith, Jehanne D’Arc, Naomi and Ruth, Jonathan and David, and Sodom and Gibeah (Judges Chapter 19, verses 22 to 30 – Page 185).

For comments, questions, and/or more information, the above article author can be reached at racheljoy6@hotmail.com.

Roommate XIII

2011-07-25T03:19:58Z

Roommate Xlll:
by Rachel Joy Bowman, July 01 2011

I have some issues that I have to deal with. Some affect my inter-relations with you. I would like you to know how I feel and what my personal opinions are. When you first came to us, you were full of enthusiasm and promises. You built up Sir’s hopes and played on his dream of owning His very first brand new car He has ever had. That dream was shattered and I saw that it broke His heart to have that opportunity stolen from Him. I blame you, mostly, for not being as prepared as you maybe you should have been. You showed an incredible lack of financial management. A two hour trip in the car with our gas was wasted.

Then the check to Sir did not deliver funds to His checking account. The account became $500.00 overdrawn. The check to the P. G. & E. bounced, now we owe about $300.00. The check to the rent bounced. We became two and a half months behind in the rent. I had to provide over $1,200.00 in cold hard cash on the barrel to help rescue Sir with the rent and P. G. & E. That leaves me not being able to pay my Adventist medical bills or for electrolysis, breast pump, or any of my other bills. Sir used His funds in his checking account to take you shopping. All this totals out at around $5,000.00 loss for Sir. At this present time my opinion is that there has been a theft by fraud.

You have supplied food stamps to help us with food - that is appreciated, however, we do NOT need any food from you. We need cash! The rent does NOT accept food for payment and P. G. & E. does not accept food for payment. We rent out the room you are staying in to help pay for rent and utilities. If you can not or will not pay rent we will need to find someone who can and will. The rent is to be paid in advance, in full, in cash.

You are commended for trying to make Conklin work for you and others, but the approach may be lacking in results. Using Social Media is for marketing only. You need to do more, you are spinning you’re wheels. You still need to get out and “ask for an order”!(one of the major rules of any sales training).

This apartment is our home for living in – not a retail store or business location. The home/office is open Monday through Friday 8:00 a.m. to 5:00 p.m. Try to arrive after 9:00 a.m. and leave before 4:30 p.m. The magic jack phone is our personal home phone. Please use the Comcast phone as the business phone. I paid for the magic jack phone. Please obtain ink, paper, and a printer for the business. I bought the printer and pay for the ink and paper.

The bathroom is a communal area. Everyone has to share – including cleaning up after themselves. I am not your mother, wife, girlfriend, or maid. I am the live in housekeeper for my Master and His spouse.

In regards to you being here with us presumably to transition, I am just not able to see any ambition, desire, willingness, or effort to even start upon a journey to becoming a female. At this present time, and at this present point, the evidence I see is that you are just NOT a suitable candidate for transitioning at this time. There is overwhelming evidence showing that you are just too much of an all macho male jock. We need to make room for those who really and truly show a desire, ambition, effort, and need for our help and services to transition. We do not have facilities nor time to be wasting on fakes, cons, or fraudulent want-a-bes.

I am trying to manage my personal issues in our inter-personal relationship by implementing the following policy that I have written down for you to refer to:

I have already hurt you and I got hurt for it.
I don’t want to hurt you anymore, so I will remove myself and stay away.
I can’t put my foot in my mouth if I don’t open it!
                                   I will not speak to you!
                                   I will not touch you!
                                   I will not look at you!
                                   I will not care about you!
                                   I will not think about you!
                                   I will not talk about you!
                                   I will not come anywhere near you!
                     It is too dangerous for us to be around each other!
                     It’s not fair to you; it’s not fair to me!
                     You will get hurt; I will get hurt!
                     All communication will be through my MASTER!
                     You do the same.

My personal feelings are to not be anywhere near you at any time or any place. Where you are, I will try not to be. From this moment on you should go through my Master; I will not respond.
Sincerely, Master’s slave.
For comments, questions, and/or more information, the above article author can be reached at racheljoy6@hotmail.com.

Submission Is:

2011-07-25T03:17:41Z

Submission is not about suffering. Submission is about service.

Submission is not about humiliation. Submission is about humility.

Submission is not about pain . . .. . . Submission is about being present.

Submission is not about being used. Submission is about being of use.

Submission is not about control. Submission is about letting go.

Submission is not about what is done to you. Submission is about what you do for others.

Submission is not about abuse. Submission is about acceptance.

Submission is not about proving anything. Submission is about being real.

Submission is not about contempt. Submission is about respect.

Submission is not about how you look. Submission is about how much you care.

Submission is not about denying yourself. Submission is about being open.

Submission is not about bondage. Submission is about freeing your spirit.

Submission is not about punishment. Submission is about discipline.

Submission is not about being unable to escape. Submission is about being committed.

Submission is not about fear. Submission is about trust.

Submission is not about sex. Submission is about love.

Submission is not about pleasure. Submission is about happiness.

Submission is not about submission. Submission is about obedience.

House Rules

2011-07-25T03:16:38Z

A) This is NOT a polymorphous household! This IS a Master-Slave household! The Master does what He wants, when He wants, how He wants. The Master is exempted from all rules and/or conditions. The Master has all final say in everything and can set or change rules at will. Everyone MUST defer to and respect the Master.

At this time the slave’s duties and chores include being employed as a live in housekeeper (in exchange for room and board). The housekeeper is a paid position. The pay is used for the cost of the room and board.

1) You are a paying guest in this house. You are paying for a room to hold your belongings in and to sleep in. You are paying for meals as prepared and served by the Master. Payment must be secured in advance for meals.
2) There is NO maid service specifically for you! Keep your room clean and tidy. Make every effort to support the cleanliness and tidiness of the entire abode.
3) The dining room table is for eating and food. Please confine all food and drink to the table. NO food or drink anywhere else, except a capped bottle of water (no cups).
4) No dishes, etc. are to be left anywhere but the kitchen. It is very strongly encouraged that you obtain and use several cups, glasses, dishes, and/or utensils that you commonly use on a frequent basis to reuse daily. You are responsible for insuring their sanitation.
5) You may receive and send phone calls and mail here.
6) Whatever and whenever the Master decides will be curfew (quiet).
7) Parking is reserved. Covered parking needs special permission. You may use any uncovered parking area without permission.
8) Visitors may be screened per the Master’s whim.
9) There will be a list of duties and chores for slaves and/or submissives to carry out. All items must be approved and overseen by the Master.
10) The Master is married and his spouse is the default mistress whenever the Master deems necessary.
11) Use appropriate language when in common areas of apartment.
12) NO smoking, heavy drinking, or using in apartment.
13) Be considerate and watchful of the Mistress’s mobility and seating.

What Is A Trans

2011-07-25T03:15:21Z

Force Feminizing a Female (TS). .What is a transsexual?

Many people in this group have no idea what a transsexual is or how you could possibly force feminize a genetic female. The idea that seems to be the norm is that the people who come here are males looking to be forced in to panties and heels and are sissies or cross dressers.

Yes that is part of this group that is probably at least half of the people here but not the whole. Many of us are not males looking to be dressed up; we are women looking to have someone take away the androgynous and masculine parts of us away.

For example, you have a girl who was raised by a single father who was taught to work the farm and spit chew in a can. She may deep down wish to be a pretty princess but due to fears or doubts not allow herself to do it. A Mistress of Master steps in and makes her in to a flashy dress wearing, make up applying, girly-girl. That is an example though very basic, of force feminizing a genetic female.

For a transsexual it is much the same. We, despite having been born with a penis or a male voice or being raised as males, were never at all male other than maybe physically. Our brains, our hormones, our thoughts, our souls, are female. Many of us are born borderline hermaphrodites or full on hermaphrodites to begin with.

We are looking for someone to help correct the ideals and stereotypical man dribble that was pushed on to us by peers, family, or for some, religious beliefs. We want the parts of us that were forced to be male, taken and replaced by the female equivalent.
Teach us how to walk, talk, sit, do our hair, makeup, and be a passable lady.

Now some smart-ass read that and said, "Well how is that forced?" The post before should have already answered that question but I will go ahead and restate it a second time for anyone still genuinely confused.

If you are raised to be a stone hard man and never cry, but are a female on the inside, those ideals still get instilled over time. So when you come out as being female you will still bottle the emotions up and refuse to cry most of the time. So the person who is feminizing you will help to FORCE that idea away and telling "just cry... let go...” Since these things are so engrained in to us from early child hood when being raised "male" much of it has to be forced out even if we understand we want it.

I was forced to give up all my male clothing, I have wanted to do it for a long time, but have been giving myself excuse after excuse not to do it. Finally, Mistress Mary forced me to it.

I, We, Transsexuals, are not men, or boys, or bois, or gurls, we are females just like any other female. So when addressing a post, please keep that in mind, thank you.

Can't all the TRANSGENDER folk just get along!

^-- We tried it your way but the polar bears were indecisive.... all joking aside... who isn't getting along again? I was explaining the fact that some people on this group assume if you are a part of it you are instantly the equivalent of a cross dresser, which to some is an atrocious notion. It is insulting to us not because there is anything wrong with cross dressers or cross dressing, but it equates to us being seen as male which is a stab in the throat. I tackled the subject very lightly though, as you can see no one has really felt the need to outburst in anger or troll me for what I have said. As for your second comment, you are a bit right and a bit wrong; many transsexuals have genetic female organs or an extra chromosome that allows them to get their hormones and surgeries covered by health insurance. There is a distinct difference between a male and female brain, and a large percentage of transsexual women at the very least have a female brain that tells the body it is wrong and is why the suicide rate is so high. It is not something you CAN just get over.

Sorry if that turned in to a bit of a rant, just sometimes get arrogated by people who try and separate TS women from women. It is like telling a woman she is no longer a woman if she loses the ability to have a child or has to have her breasts removed or telling a man he is no longer a man if his penis has to be removed to save his life. Sexual organs are a SMALL part of what should make up sex or gender.

This is of course all my opinion and I do want you to know I am not attacking you and I respect your opinion but I love a good debate and I love standing strong on things I believe in. Many civilizations and Native American tribes revered and even worshiped transsexuals in the past saying they were of two souls and to be cherished.

Not to bring religion in to this too much but I am friends with many Christians and as many know I am a pagan. Among the disputes I have with these friends is the fact that I am transsexual. A few like to joke saying I can't be a witch or truly do the spells that say you have to be female because I was born "male" which is far from true medically and mentally. I in an annoyed joking manner asked them, if they descended from their bodies as a spiritual being of light, what gender they would be. They seem confused and I came again with, "If your spirit in your religion seems to be one of the most important aspects, shouldn't the soul mean more than the physical body. The flesh stays here; the soul is what lives on forever. My soul is female, so how would your god treat in me in such a case?" The response was amusing.

The thing that eventually was asked was, "God doesn't make mistakes, why did he makes you a boy if he wanted you to be a girl." again I replied with a bit of a smirk, "For the same reason he would make a legless boy who competes in the Olympics and wins. "

Actually I have 2 genetic girls that I force feminize. They like being butch - they don't like wearing makeup and fixing their hair or doing their nails. I put them in little pink out fits with pentifores and treat them like a 7 year old girl.

Also as our sticky discussion states - nothing is "truly" forced. It's all consensual and mostly role play. But I know many post op transsexuals that are very fetish and love role play, age play and forced feminization.

Feminization doesn't necessarily mean turn them female - it's more about feminine expression and finding stereotypical female roles and behaviors. I also know that not all girls are necessarily feminine - so I could "force" someone into some jeans and t-shirt and call it feminization. I could - but it's not in the spirit of the fetish or interest.

Some people like it - some people don't - but we don't need to start putting labels on who should or shouldn't or would or wouldn't do it.

Feminization is not JUST for genetic boys or boys that identify as female - it's for everyone that finds it a little mentally stimulating.

On the religion comment (and if you don't believe in God then you can skip it this comment) - Further this is off topic even a better reason to skip it . But I'll say it anyways - I don't believe God makes mistakes - and if you were born a boy and feel you should have been a girl - I think it's arrogant to think He made a mistake. Maybe it was part of His plan for you to bring the light all these points so that we could all learn to live together harmoniously. A struggle of a transgendered person can raise awareness and compassion in people not only to our struggles but to those of others. I hate that I was born a guy but maybe I wouldn't have appreciated being female as much if I were born female - I don't know - but I don't believe God made a mistake - maybe you don't like His decision to make an example out of some of us - but well that's what God does - it's all through the Bible old and new testament.

"I don't believe God makes mistakes - and if you were born a boy and feel you should have been a girl - I think it's arrogant to think He made a mistake."

From that perspective... God doesn't make mistakes, he did it on purpose.

It is arrogant, beyond BELIEF that ANY human could possibly understand God's Intent. If you believe in God, you have to assume that He made every single person the way they are.

It is up to US to decide how to deal with what He gave us. HOWEVER, it is NOT our responsibility to conform to "society's" view of what we SHOULD be, based on the way our body happens to be configured.

And if you want to go down that path... If God created us in His image, I wonder what that says about those of us that are TS, or TG, or Hermaphrodites... I suppose that means that he is all of those things too? In which case... what's the problem?

I honestly wish there was a better term for what we are. I don't like anything with the word 'trans' in it. Because that implies that I was one gender, and decided to switch to the other. The idea of transitioning seems very strange to me. For me, feminizing would be a process of not hiding who I really am, rather than something I would have to work at, learn, or medically alter. I am and always have been a female, but I've chosen to hide behind male clothing for so long, it's hard for me to imagine doing anything else.

I've come to understand that simply putting on the clothing will never define my gender. There are lots of people out there wearing dresses who aren't actually female, and there are also lots of females wearing male clothing. What matters first and foremost is how you see yourself.

Some religions (Hinduism, for example) would certainly ascribe transgender or hermaphroditic characteristics to God. If there are any trans religious folks out there, you should definitely do some reading about non-Abrahamic paths to God.

As for the main discussion, I'm not sure how to explain my own experiences. Mistress has helped and encourages my transition. She tells me I'm beautiful and that what she wants is for me to be happy, and we both agree that this is what achieves that. I started down this road before she and I were involved, and I'm not reliant on her to break my barriers down or anything. Regardless, she’s a tremendous source of encouragement. Her love makes me want to be a better woman.

I can be a pretty big flamboyant glamour-puss all on my own; even dressed down en-femme I prefer corsets and heels with my shirts/blouses and slacks, and I love big beautiful wigs. The "force femme" in our relationship comes from Mistress's gentle insistence that I remain en-femme as much as absolutely possible, and from the bimboification/sissification/dollification elements in which I'm expected to bury my ego and become a frilly, servile plaything. That isn't always on. The other way in which I identify with this terminology is her training me to become more sexually effeminate; I'm a receiver now, and my clit is for teasing (and vibing/stimulation if She's pleased), not penetrating anything. That's been mind-blowing. It's the best I've ever had.

The topic about, are TS women really forced to be feminine is and has been on my mind for some time. I agree we were programmed by society, family and church to be men since our gender was stated as male when we were born. That’s just a physical description of us not who we were or are. For some most traits taught to us, to be men, is to a degree with work possible to de-program. But it is not really a complete de-programming. We still have some male traits that keep surfacing without our knowledge and sometimes at the least opportune times. To be forced to be ultra fem, bimboification/sissification/dollification or even a maid of servitude is something we would not do on a normal basis. This is not how we live day to day but it does instill in us even more feminine attributes. I agree it is a form of forced feminization even when we live as women.

The Collar Around My Neck

2011-06-26T03:50:25Z

                                      DON’T speak to me!
                                        DON’T touch me!
                                        DON’T look at me!
                                        DON’T care about me!
                                        DON’T think about me!
                                        DON’T talk about me!
                                        DON’T come anywhere near me!
                     It is too dangerous for us to be around each other!
                     It’s not fair to you; it’s not fair to me!
                     You will get hurt; I will get hurt!
                     All communication will be through my MASTER!
                     I will do the same!

Prejudice and bigotry in every form is vicious, mean, and evil!
Los prejuicios y la intolerancia en todas sus formas es vicioso, media, y el mal!
Rachel Joy Bowman January 1, 2010.

The author can be reached at racheljoy6@hotmail.com.

Worthless Words

2011-06-26T03:48:17Z

Words without action are worthless, meaningless, useless bunch of empty hot air!
Show what you are about. Prove yourself.
Don’t pass the buck. Don’t force someone else to do your dirty work for you.
The what and how are on you!
You have years and years of experience, you have many years of education, and you have years of training.
Don’t become impotent and rendered stupid, idiotic, moron. Don’t throw away all of those resources of experience, education, and training for nothing; a complete and total waste. Don’t let them become meaningless, useless, and worthless.

Prejudice and bigotry in every form is vicious, mean, and evil!
Los prejuicios y la intolerancia en todas sus formas es vicioso, media, y el mal!
Rachel Joy Bowman January 1, 2020,

The author can be reached at racheljoy6@hotmail.com.

Prejudice and bigotry in every form

2011-06-26T03:46:23Z

               Prejudice and bigotry in every form
                   is vicious, mean, and evil!
Los prejuicios y la intolerancia en todas sus formas es vicioso, media, y el mal!
                                                        by Rachel Joy Bowman July 1, 2011

               Instead of choosing accommodation like Jeff has,
                                    you chose rejection.
               Instead of choosing cooperation like Jeff has,
                                   you chose exclusion.
               Instead of choosing to work with me like Jeff has,
                          you chose to sabotage my efforts.
              You have shown yourself to be a bigot,
                discriminating against a disadvantaged minority.
              You have shown yourself to be a bully
                      by how you did what you did.
              You have shown yourself to be a hypocrite
                      by stating that you are all-inclusive,
                                but not including me;
                      by stating that you welcome all,
                                but not welcome me;
                      by stating full equality for all,
                                but not for me.
You are reacting to a nightmare label that I was forced to inherit almost twenty years ago and not to the individual person you got to know.
I thought you were my friend but you stabbed me in the back and turned your back on my earnest efforts to show that I was really trying to be a better me.

The author can be reached at racheljoy6@hotmail.com.

How Sorry Are You?

2011-06-26T03:44:02Z

You have caused a lot of pain, suffering, and sorrow. You have done a great deal of emotional damage; the scars of which will last through generations.
Take on the responsibility of being held accountable for your actions!
Where is the correction, the repair, the atonement?
What are you going to DO about it?
Show it! Prove it!
1. Remove yourself:
Move! Move out of the state for more than thirty years – do not visit, do not communicate!
2. Debase yourself:
Go onto all social media and use your words for those who you lied to about another. Confess to the sin of what you did and how you did. Describe what and how you corrected, repaired, and atoned. Write it all down and publish it.
3. Drop out/time out:
Remove yourself from all activity in all groups and with other people in your area.
4. Volunteer:
Commit to activities and efforts where you can conduct corrections, repairs, atonement, and prevention of future occurrences.
5. Endure:
Withstand all constant reminders of the evil hurt, pain, suffering, and sorrow that was cause and are responsible for.

MY STORY

2011-06-26T03:41:45Z

I first noticed that there was something that wasn’t quite right with some parts of me. The way I felt, acted, and thought did not seem to match what I was being bombarded with about being “Male”. I was brought up in the later 1940’s and early 1950’s eras when the roles of “Male” and “Female” were clearly and very distinctly defined by religions, societies, and authorities.
I was the third of five children (a sixth was still born). My older brother eventually came out as bisexual in his young adult years. At the age of about 8 I had an awakening experience. My Mom was very active in Scouting for the boys and the girls. I really was interested in the Girl Scouts that my sisters were in but had to settle for the cub scouts. I really looked forward to receiving the large chocolate bars each of us would get at the monthly troop meetings. They were fun meetings. Good free movies and skits put on by the different dens and troops. At this one particular time the Den Mother decided that our skit turn would be to have us dress up in grass skirts and do the hula. I was mortified. I was terrified that I would be forced to show up and be ridiculed as having gay tendencies (I was only 8 years old with irrational feelings). This incident forced me to face a fear I had of being “different” maybe gay or whatever. At that time I had no idea that “trans” existed. I was not aware of any of the other words other than “gay”. I was terrified that I would not be fit to be included in being “Male” by my parents, relatives, or peers. I really did not want to be “different” and fought with all my might against it. We were all very close to each other in our family; I especially with my Mom. I deliberately went against my overriding compulsion to go after that candy bar and feign sickness in order to keep from going to that troop meeting that evening. I had just learned of the trick of holding the thermometer against the night light next to my bed. I really felt bad at having to fool my Mom and lose out on the large chocolate bar and movie but I was that terrified of my fears being found out.
That incident set the stage for my inner battle with myself on coming to realize that I was “different”.

Later on, throughout my elementary and high school years, I would compulsively cross dress and fantasize about being a female; even in my dreams. I had feelings inside of me that were completely different than what I thought I should be having as a “Male”. I now, in later life, realize how much I had been brainwashed in what gender roles were supposed to be according to the current society norms. I really strived, for the sake of my family, to be a “normal” male and conform to what I thought that society wanted me to be.
I worked very hard at pleasing everyone that had a lot of expectations of me. It led to a lot of very bad mistakes and decisions on my part that resulted in catastrophic consequences for me.

It took a considerable number of years for me to finally realize that I needed to confront and admit that I was a transgender person. I had to finally succumb to who I truly was, to be the person that I was supposed to be in the beginning and be true to myself. Stop trying to be what society wanted me to be and start being the person that I am supposed to be.
I have written a poem about leaving behind this former abysmal self. You can read it on my blog: http://blog.rachelbowman.com. Search for “A Reflection” article.

In 2000 I had finally committed myself to stop trying for approval from others and start investigating just who, what, and how I was. It took me on a long journey to 2004. I had revealing conversations with my Mom. I learned that she actually knew who, what and how I was even before I was born. I came right after the still born. My Mom experienced society from the 1920’s through the 1990’s when it was a criminal offense to be gay or any other gender non-conforming condition. She knew that any exposure of this could and would expose the entire family to risk of violence and death. There was no guide book. She had no way of knowing what to do or how to do it. It was even extremely difficult to even talk about it with my dad. The only choice was to try and sequester any outward signs of being “different”. Fortunately we attended a somewhat tolerant religious organization and commanded some respect from the community due to volunteer efforts and my dad’s connections through being a salesman.
It was fortunate for me that my Mom decided to help encourage me to experience and explore the different roles and worlds in which we all lived. I was included in “dress up” play, in both the Boy Scouts and the Girl Scouts (which I preferred), in joining my sisters in their play, and being included in learning to bake, cook, sew, and in girl’s finishing school lessons. I paid close attention to the lessons I learned from my sisters. I found myself really enjoying the “female” role.

Society was catching up, too. While attending high school there were more efforts to enroll males in cooking classes, home economics, and other female dominated areas. There were more efforts to interest females in non-traditional classes like some of the vocational trade classes. In the junior college there were now females taking auto shop on the way to engineering degrees and males learning to sew.

At the time I was ready to transition and by extension “come out”, society was a little more ready to be accepting and/or tolerant. Laws against being “different” were being changed/thrown out as unconstitutional. Discrimination, bigotry, and prejudice were exposed more. I wrote a letter to my sisters with my “staff” picture. A simple one sentence was all it said, “This is to introduce Ms. Rachel Joy Bowman formally known as your brother. I have been open and forthright with everyone on my past and my transition. The most frequent comment I have received from relatives and peers is, “What took you so long?” My transition took no one by surprise. They could see it happening all along the way. Most were either disgusted (shaking their head) or thrilled to see me so much happier and contended than they knew me as. When I revealed my hidden self to my daughter (she was about 30), she was not surprised and was very thrilled that I had “found” my true self. I brought here up to be with very little prejudice – a live and let live – outlook; to not judge others and let others live like they wanted to. I was driving at the time and only had the truck tractor for transportation. She had gone on several trips with me and knew the tractor. One afternoon I called her and told her that there was something of vital importance that I needed to show her. I drove over to the apartment that she was staying at. I had on my heels, nylons, and my good “job interview” skirt and blouse suit. I stood by the front gate waiting for her to come out. She came out, saw the tractor and started to cross the street to it. I said, “Hello, Valerie”. She turned around looking and I said again, “Hi, Valerie”. Suddenly here eyes got real wide and her lips formed an “O”. The expression on her face was priceless to me. I said, “How do you like my costume”? She did not immediately recognize me I had so changed from male to female. She originally had the impression that I was an elderly matron waiting on the sidewalk for someone. Only when I spoke did she realize that I was her “parent”, which is how she now referrers to me.

Along the way I have experienced very little to none of the violent discrimination and bigotry that I have heard and read about against trans and gays. The discrimination and bigotry that I am presently experiencing is from some self appointed vigilantes that are reacting to an almost 20 year old nightmare label that I was forced to inherit by my former self; a self that is no more, a self long ago and far away. I am a completely and totally different person in all aspects.
There are some in this community who are on my side offering support and encouragement to be a better person and strive to shed the label. There are also some in this community who want only to react to the forced nightmare label with disgust and fear. The fear leads to hatred and the fire of hatred blinds the eyes. They only react to the label and not the person/individual who has shown what they are, where they are, and how they are at present. The results are abject rejection, which sabotage any efforts.

Finally, in 2004 I started looking around for some help; some resources. There was some on the newly available internet but very limited and sparse. I guessed that I might find somewhere to start by going to some of the gay friendly places (bars) I was starting to hear about. I do not remember why I wound up at Only For You Boutique but in just a few visits my life was about to completely and totally change forever. One of the owners mentioned a few places that I may be interested in and invited me to join in a meeting that was being held in the store. The owner wound up as a very special friend.
I went to one of the bars the owner mentioned and found another transgender person. They invited me to join in a carpool with another to travel to the L. A. area for a first appointment with an endocrinologist. After listening to his introduction I realized that my perception of long drawn out years of complying with protocols were wrong and that I could actually get started and really DO THIS! Right then and there I committed to transition. I started with six subcutaneous pellets. The recommended minimum was six and a maximum he would give was fourteen. The pellets were a time release estrogen formula. There were some supplemental shots and pills to take and it was our responsibility to sign up and see a personal general practitioner. We were to return in four months instead of the customary three months. After discovering that the six pellets made me feel really great and no undesirable side effects I went to twelve pellets every four months.

I had the most startling and unusually odd feeling about this. At the time of this initial visit, I was unemployed, homeless, on parole, destitute, and ostracized. In spite of this I actually had the $1,425.00 in cash that I needed to do this. I also had two supportive friends and transportation. I felt that something – someone really wanted me to do this. I developed my motto: “What Rachel needs, Rachel gets!” It may not come when I want or get what I want, but what I NEED will be provided. I was able to visit the endocrinologist for four and a half years. I have been able to afford the pharmaceuticals that were prescribed. I have been fortunate to have been able to change my name and gender through the courts for my driver’s license (which became a trucker’s license), my Social Security account, and my birth certificate.
While I was homeless and staying in a class C Toyota motorhome at a truck yard, I actually took a week to transition. There was a period of 24 hours that I shaved all over, changed my hair, found a wig, applied make-up, changed all my clothes and went to female 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. After about four months I did not own or posses anything that fastened on the right or had legs.

I acquired work as a female almost immediately after my name change – as a driver! My new boss was very impressed by my abilities and my attitudes. He later complimented me and praised my ability to be the first and only driver in his history to obtain a maximum load on my very first trip. If he suspected that I was trans (“different”) he seemed not to really care. I then moved to farm manager on a family farm where I became friends and close to the owner couple. I had taken over the duties of a somewhat out lesbian farm hand. I also drove. I had conversations with the couple about my past. They seemed fascinated to know and learn from someone such as myself. I retired from the farm after four years.

In 2008 a trans doctor moved here from Portland. She is a general practitioner and now my personal physician. She is an assistant professor at San Francisco State. I have to travel to the Selma clinic to see her. We have become friends and are both activists for trans issues.
A great many coincidental events have conspired to come together and support my transitioning. I really believe that there is something that is happening to bring about my change. I have had so many bright neon signs and moments that have definitely pointed me in a certain direction and at a certain time. I am so unable to believe or comprehend that it is all happenstance and random chance occurrences.

Along the way I have spent a considerable amount of time in creating, developing, and instituting a greater amount of access to more resources for transgender persons, gender diverse populations, and friends/allies.
My research and investigations have led me to conclude that there are two very best Gender Reassignment Surgeons in the world. The first and foremost is Dr. Suporn Whatanyusakul, M. D. http://www.supornclinic.com, and secondly Dr. Sherman Lei, M. D. http://www.thetransgendercenter.com.
I will not qualify because of age restriction for Dr. Suporn’s services. I am attempting (at the time of writing this article) to have my GRS with Dr. Lei in Philadelphia Pennsylvania on Tuesday, May 17 (my natal birthday), 2011. Total cost for this operation is estimated to run to $20,175.00. I have already pre-paid (in cash) most of the cost.

As I say in my poem, I am happier now than I have ever been. Again, it looks like “What Rachel needs, Rachel gets! I am really hoping that I am supposed to do this!

For more information and questions/comments contact the author of this article at racheljoy6@hotmail.com.

Sexual Identity In Your Head

2011-03-23T04:16:00Z

Is Sexual Identity All in Your Head?
Our Sexual Identity Has Little To Do With Sex Organs, Researchers Find
By Joanna Schaffhausen Jan. 22 (abc news/Health)

Is it a boy or a girl? It's the first question most parents ask about their newborn baby. But for a surprising number of infants, the answer is not immediately obvious.
Doctors say as many as 1 in 2,000 babies is born with ambiguous genitalia — neither totally male nor female. For parents, the decision about how to proceed is often agonizing, and the stakes are high: the wrong choice could trap a little boy inside a girl's body or create a girl who longs to be a man.
Now a new study in the New England Journal of Medicine is shedding more light on what factors make us feel male or female. The research examined 16 genetically and hormonally male babies born with a rare birth defect called cloacal exstrophy (unlike cases where the genitalia are ambiguous, male babies born with cloacal exstrophy have a small or non-existent penis).
Traditionally, doctors believed that without a penis, these children would not be able to form a healthy male sexual identity. So, 14 of the 16 babies were assigned the female sex, given female hormone treatments and raised as girls.
But follow-up questionnaires given years later suggest that the female label did not stick very well.
"These children were born male in nearly every respect," explains study author Dr. John Gearhart, professor and chair of pediatric urology at Johns Hopkins Hospital in Baltimore.

The Key? Hormones. Gearhart found eight of the 14 subjects now declared themselves male. All 16 of the children enjoyed typical "male" pursuits such as baseball, football, and hockey. Only one played with dolls, and most rejected feminine clothing.
The study illustrates what was once unthinkable — that a person can feel like a male without a penis — is completely possible, maybe even predictable, given what we now know about how sexual identity is formed.
Hormones are key. "What we now know is that hormones imprint your brain," explains Dr. Craig Peters, a urological surgeon at Children's Hospital in Boston, Mass. "We don't know exactly when it happens, but probably even in utero."
Studies like Gearhart's have helped change policy. Now male babies born with cloacal exstrophy would be recognized as male. "One very seldom does gender conversion [for this condition] anymore," Gearhart says.
Yet surgery for other conditions, especially those involving ambiguous genitalia, is still common. "Probably the most common condition for gender conversion is male pseduo-hermaphroditism," Gearhart explains.

So How Do Parents Decide? Parents and doctors have a variety of scientific tools to tell aid them in determining a baby's sex if the genitalia are ambiguous. Genetic testing is performed to check for the presence of a "Y" chromosome. Males are XY; females are XX.
An internal exam determines the shape of the pelvis and checks for the presence of female sex organs like ovaries and a uterus. Physicians evaluate whether the person has the potential to be a fertile male or fertile female.
Doctors also check the baby's levels of male hormones (called androgens, like testosterone) and female hormones (such as estrogen). In each case, the sex hormones are created by the gonads — testes for males and ovaries for females.
But production of hormones is only half the battle. The body must have receptors that sense the presence of the hormones or sexual characteristics will not develop normally.
Babies who are born genetic males but lack sensitivity to male hormones are sometimes born with ambiguous genitalia, and often the decision is made to raise them as female because treatment with female hormones is considered more successful. A surgeon shapes the genitalia into female sex organs.
At Johns Hopkins Hospital, they have a "gender committee" that meets whenever an intersex baby is born. The team is headed by a pediatric endrocrinologist, but also contains a surgeon, a social worker and a clergyman among others. Together with the parents the team evaluates the baby and decides upon the best course of action.
What is "best," of course, is still under debate, but Gearhart hopes the increased attention to the issue of sexual identity will help future kids caught in the middle. "These long-term studies provide better science for the younger generation," he says.

Intersex Group Calls Surgery 'Mutilation'. Not all those born with ambiguous genitalia are happy about surgery that alters their sex. An organization called Intersex Society of North America, or ISNA, is devoted to educating people about intersex individuals, and they are challenging the way doctors treat intersex babies.
The group contends surgery can damage a person's sexual function for life. The patient may lose feeling in his or her genitals and be unable to have normal sexual relations. Some intersex individuals even call the surgery "mutilation."
ISNA recommends letting the patient decide whether or not to have surgery, which means waiting until a child is old enough to make such a complicated decision.
But many physicians believe it would be more harmful to wait, and worry about the impact of growing up intersex in a world unprepared to deal with such variety. "I've had parents say, 'I can't stand changing the diaper,'" Peters comments.
But ISNA argues it is society's job to adjust to intersex individuals and recommends counseling for families and patients dealing with the issue.
While Gearhart praises ISNA for raising awareness about intersex issues and pushing doctors to rethink their positions, he adds, "Initial studies from Hopkins are finding that most intersex people don't support the idea of a third gender."
Notes Peters, "A lot of the adults complaining about the surgery is based on old technology. We didn't know as much then, and surgeons would do things like cut away the entire clitoris. Surgery has improved a lot over twenty years ago."

But some surgeons find merit in ISNA's message. "It's rare that an enlarged clitoris would cause any medical problems, so we have time to wait," says David Vandersteen, pediatric urologic surgeon and vice-chief of surgery at Children's Hospitals and Clinics of Minneapolis/St. Paul. "[Gearhart's study] suggests that the relationship between external genitalia and psycho-social development is moderate at best, and shows there is good psychological foundation for leaving well enough alone."
Another point of debate is what and when an intersex child should be told about his or her medical history. In Gearhart's study, the children and young adults still living as females have not been told about their male genetic status.
ISNA favors telling kids as much as they can digest while they are still very young. Doctors are less sure about the timetable.
"A lot of bitter adults are bitter because they were never told," Peters says. "I believe kids should know but I don't know when. Finding out this information as a teenager would be difficult."